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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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I am an adoptee and was raised in a family where my father

Resolved Question:

I am an adoptee and was raised in a family where my father drank. I remember being insecure as a child. I have also lost my first love in a car accident. I live with fear of abandonment and until now, I chose relationships that I felt I could let go of quite easily. I have met the love of my life a year ago and lately, the fears of being rejected are haunting me. I feel I am not good enough, pretty enough and I even see other women and think that they could make him so much happier, they are so pretty, so interesting. I need help and am not sure where to turn to anymore. I have been to counseling, I have been to a therapist that deal with adult children of alcoholics and it did not help. I was not given any tools, I just had to talk about how this and that made me feel. I know how it made me feel, I would just like to stop thinking like I am not deserving and that at the drop of a hat, I will be rejected for someone prettier, better, mor fun, funnier etc.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 6 years ago.
mindhealer :

Good evening. I'm online and would be happy to help. Let me know when you are online and we can chat further

Customer:

I am online now

Customer:

Good evening

mindhealer :

Good evening...thank you for the opportunity to help

Customer:

Thanks for the chance to resolve this

mindhealer :

I've read through your question thoroughly and a fair amount of it appears to be based on perception of yourself and esteem? Does that sound accurate?

Customer:

absolutely

Customer:

This is what is it

mindhealer :

thank you for that insight

Customer:

It is not present at work, with friends or anywhere else, only when my heart is involved

mindhealer :

so only when intimate relationships are on the line do you question yourself?

Customer:

Yes

Customer:

I find myself looking at some beautiful women and thinking in my head that he would be so much better with them

Customer:

Yes, I am a smart woman and I am not sure why I think like that

Customer:

*yet

mindhealer :

May I ask...have you ever been through therapy?

Customer:

Yes

Customer:

twice

mindhealer :

have you found anything to be helpful?

Customer:

all I was asked was to talk about my childhood and how it made me feel

Customer:

nope

mindhealer :

which was absolutely the wrong approach in all honesty

mindhealer :

the most appropriate approach to how you are presenting would be to explore more of a cognitive approach

Customer:

I think so too. The past is the past...I would just love to shut that little voice

mindhealer :

I would imagine so

Customer:

For once...since a very long time, I have something to lose and it is quite scary

mindhealer :

essentially this form of therapy explores the thoughts that you experience...that little voice...and the impact that it has on both your behaviors and emotional state

Customer:

Sounds like what I need

mindhealer :

that's my impression as well

Customer:

I have read many books as well, but all they do is make me understand why I am that way and not how to fix it

mindhealer :

I would strongly surggest that you consider seeing a therapist who specializes in this approach to treatment but I would also like to offer you a link to workbook that could help in the meantime. Would that be ok?

mindhealer :

this workbook has specific exercises for you to engage in that can help you

Customer:

I know why I am that way...given at birth, absent alcoholic father (adoptive family) first love dies in a car accident...it's not rocket science, yet it is so deabilitating

Customer:

Yes

Customer:

Pardon any spelling mistakes...I am french

Customer:

That would be great

mindhealer :

no problem in the least...and I would certainly agree with you as to the basis of the issues at hand. One moment and I will get you the link to the book

mindhealer :

This is an outstanding book which I typically suggest to my own patients as an adjunct to therapy

Customer:

I will purchase it

mindhealer :

great :)

mindhealer :

Do you have any further questions that I can help you with?

Customer:

not now

mindhealer :

you can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button if there is nothing further. I wish you the very best!!

Customer:

Will I be getting a repport of recomendations via e-mail ?

mindhealer :

how do you mean?

mindhealer :

you will have access to this chat through your homepage under my questions

Customer:

I thought I read that I would be getting answers to my questions via e-mail

Customer:

I guess it was via chat

mindhealer :

yes...its one or the other

Customer:

ok, I see.

mindhealer :

I chose this way to ensure that I answer all your follow up questions

Customer:

Merci ***** ***** will purchase that book and get to work on it.

mindhealer :

you are most welcome

mindhealer :

you can click ACCEPT if there is nothing further I can help with!! I wish you well

mindhealer and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you