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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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If after 49 years of marriage, you learn something that

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If after 49 years of marriage, you learn something that makes you definitely not want to celebrate 50 years with someone, what should you do? It is something I would not be able to discuss with anyone else. Money is tight as a couple...split in two, it wouldn't last long. I'm getting older and have some health concerns with NO friend or relative in this town to helpl. I have a brother who is retarded and requires much assistance. My husband has been helpful with that. Should I get a divorce? We have 2 sons together (in Calif) and he has 3 children from previous marriage in Oregon. I desperately want a divorce, whether we live together or not. I wish we would not need to live together. He, I'm sure, would not want a divorce.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue. What did you learn that makes you want a divorce?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

It's a problem of a sexual nature, but one I'm not willing to totally reveal. I don't know whether I've missed seeing the problem for 49 years, or if it has occurred only during his senior years.

I'm sorry I can't say more than this.

You have every right to ask for a divorce if that's what you want. It seems that you know what you want to do, but don't know how to work out the logistics (living together while being divorced, etc). This is tough and if he doesn't want a divorce in the first place it makes it even more difficult. There are couples that divorce and still live together, but it can't be easy and I don't know how you will do it based on what you have said. At any rate, what you have missed or not missed over the last half a century is not as relevant as might be giving it credit for. What matters is what happens now.
In all honesty, you are going to have to confront the issue rather than dance around it as you have been doing. I know it will be challenging, but no more challenging than what you have been doing. After the issue has been exposed for real, you will have a better idea of what to do. Until you confront it, you will be stuck in the position you are in now.
I suggest that you speak to a clergy member or a licensed professional counselor. Additionally, I suggest you seek guidance from an organization that supports abused women - I understand that this may not be exactly your situation, but in my experience they can help women with issues such as you are dealing with - they can at least give you direction on where to go from here.
I hope I have given you some helpful answers to your tough situation. If so, please click on the green accept button so I can get credit for my answers. If I haven't been helpful, would you please respond with a specific question or let me know what you are looking for that I didn't pick up on.
In any event, I wish you much peace.
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I do accept your thoughtful answer. I do think an organization dealing with abused women might make me feel more postive about my own rights and feelings and I might learn how to deal with the situation better. I thank you for your advie.
Thank you and I wish you the best.

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