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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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Dr. Phil, I am a faithful viewer and have a? about my life.

Resolved Question:

Dr. Phil, I am a faithful viewer and have a ? about my life. I know you say we should forgive but I am unable to let this go. My brother molested me for 4 years from age 12-16 and I just can't seem to get over it. I held this in my entire life and did finally till my husband a few months ago. I should tell you I am 55 years old and still feel that this has never been resolved in my life.
Should I get some counseling or just orget it. I even dream that I am biting him or slapping him.
I do not have to see him often but I feel that he should make some attemp toward an apology instead of just ignoring what he did.
Help me please.
Connie Lightner
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hi Connie,

Thank you for your question. This is not Dr. Phil. I'm Kristin, a licensed psychotherapist who can help you with your concerns. This is alot to hold in for so long, so good for you for telling your husband and also asking for help.

Before, I answer your question, could you tell me if you have ever talked about this with your brother? When you say you want an apology, have you confronted him about what he did to you? And are you still in contact with this brother today? thank you for any additional information....

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have minmal contact with him and no I have never confronted him I guess I always just wanted it to go away. I feel that I should have done something to help myself when this was going on
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for info. Connie. It's extremely common for those who have been molested to feel somehow that they should have prevented it, or done more to help yourself (as you said), but in reality you were abused and victimized and you did the best that you could do. I really do think that counseling would be hugely beneficial to you, almost a requirement really so you can process all of your emotions about this. Trying to forget is not that easy and just keeps all those memories and feelings about this abuse, kind of stuck within.

The fact that it's popping up in your dreams definitely indicates that it's around and bothering you, and that is certainly understandable. I would really advise that before you do approach your brother about this for an apology, that you first seek out counseling and process your emotions about this abuse. I say that because I don't want you to approach him and then feel re-traumatized by his possible response, etc.

If you would like, you can give me your zip code and I can find some therapists in your are who specialize in sexual abuse and can help you....

Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you