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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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After 30 years of marriage I discovered my husband was

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After 30 years of marriage I discovered my husband was having an affair. It was an addiction for him. Before leaving him, one of the conditions I made was that he go to therapy, singles and couples. He was diagnosed as bipolar and started on medication. While getting to the therapeutic dosage he had two relapses. After I left him he admitted that a higher dose was needed. He is at the top of the dosage allowed. After about 1 1/2 years I have doubts that the medication is still working to it's full potential. The signs I see he dismisses as due to something else. What's worse I have recently started to have very similar dreams as I had before I found out about the affair. There are also times when I felt he was not being completely honest with me. My question is; would it be fair to him if I test him? He is to tell me if he hears from her or about her, through another party. If I send him something in the mail he should tell me about and he doesn't tell me, should I assume he's not telling me others things as well? He told me therapy had helped him and it was no longer needed. Most things have gotten better in our marriage but, there is that nagging feeling he is not completely honest with me.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

Can you tell me what some of the signs are that you are seeing, that make you think he may be having an affair again? Also, can you explain what you mean about sending him something in the mail and he didn't tell you? what did you send?

Have you caught him in any outright lies since his last relapses? thank you for this additional information...

Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

I just reread your original question and I understand what you are asking. If you test him by sending him something in the mail and he doesn't tell you about it, does that mean you cannot trust him?

This is one of those questions that doesn't have a black and white answer. You could certainly test him if you wanted to and if he tells you about it, then yes that is a very good sign that he is forthcoming and honest. If he does not tell you however, it DOESN'T mean that he cannot be trusted. That is the problem... so if he tells you, you will probably feel better, but if he doesn't tell you, then you will feel bad even though it doesn't indicate 100% that he still cannot be trusted. As he could have many reasons for not telling you, etc. but still would not cheat and so on...

Hope that answers your question. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer. and feel free to continue the discussion even after clicking accept. Thank you.

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