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We have been married 15 years. My wife wants a divorce. We…

We have been married 15...

We have been married 15 years. My wife wants a divorce. We have had many ups and downs in the marriage. When she said she wanted a divorce (january 2011),I agreed to go to counseling.
I have never been to counseling and we each have a separate counselor for 30 minutes then we are together for an hour.
The problem or question is, this doesn't seem like marriage counseling. I tried to bring up our issues on both sides, but the counselors dismissed them as not relevant to where we are now.
The questions all seem to be directed at the individual and what does the individual want and not how do we make the marriage better. And because of that, I believe my wife isn"t willing to compromise on anything, she just knows she wants a divorce. So there is no movement whatsoever. I know, that is not a question.
Question: is there a difference between counseling and marriage counseling? And if so , what do you look for in a counselor and what questions do you ask a counselor to find the right one?

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5/13/2011

Mental Health Professional: psychlady, Therapist replied 12 years ago

psychlady, Therapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 7,358

Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.

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There definitely a difference. Marriage counseling walks a thin line between marriage counseling and individual counseling. It is very common to counsel people individually and then put them together. Everything should be discussed both individual issues and marital issues. Nothing should be off limits . When issues are discussed individually the counselor should as how that is manifested in the marriage - for instance, I am an incest survivor so I don' t let my husband out of my sight. All issues in the marriage should be addressed. It is difficult to find the "right one" because you don't the right person or their style. Unfortunately a fit with the right counselor takes going for a few sessions. There is no way to tell up front if a counselor will be appropriate. I would meet with a counselor at least once to see if your philosophies match. Meet with one session to see if you like the atmosphere. Ask him/her how they function as a counselor. I hope you find someone you like. Not everyone is like your last counselor and hopefully that is the minority

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psychlady, Therapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 7,358

Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.

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