Yesterday evening we had another big argument after I had told him I had made an appointment with the psychologist. He once again repeated the same thing about not believing psychologists and was in fact very arrogant and aggressive and wasn´t in the least interested in what I was saying and kept talking uninterruptedly in a loud manner (as he always does) so that I didn´t have a chance to talk. I showed him your answer (as I had already told him that all the other women I had spoken to had the very same opinion as you) and he was very upset, threw the paper on the floor and replied: “You believe what you want to believe”.
I tried to reason with him but he didn´t want to hear. My aim was to convince him in a nice way and point out to him that he was wrong, but still he insisted that he was not doing anything wrong and that he only wanted to talk to people, refused to admit that he was obsessed with Facebook and told me that I am far too possessive and that I brought all of this on myself. I said that if he at least admitted that he had a problem and was honest and sincere with me, it would go a long way towards saving the relationship, but still he insisted that there was nothing wrong with him. He replied aggressively that if I wanted him to go to the psychologist he would and what more did I want, anyway he said again it was a waste of time. He also said that he had already asked me to close down his Facebook account and what more did I want? So I replied: “Well, what an attitude like that…that´s fine, then, let´s forget about the whole thing and I will be leaving. Only then did he come after me to ask if I was really leaving. I then tried again but no, still the same. So I said no more and once again he asked if I was leaving him and when and I said it was up to him. He replied aggressively that he had already said that he would go to the psychologist if that was what I wanted.
Last night I didn´t sleep much and I woke up deeply depressed. This morning I was in the study but because I was feeling so unhappy I put my head down on my arms over the desk and stayed like that for a few minutes. He saw me like that and immediately became worried and came to ask me what was wrong. I replied that he really had messed up my life to such an extent that I had no pleasure in living anymore and that I was ready to give up living as I was losing strength. That seemed to soften his heart immediately and make him wake up because he then asked if we could try to save the relationship. I agreed. His manner changed completely in a positive way. What do you think of that? Anyway, it goes to show that he only reacted because he was worried that I might commit suicide and how my relatives that are all overseas (including my daughter) would react towards him. He knows I have told my daughter just a few days ago about all that is happening and that she immediately advised me to go back home.
I am totally shocked that I have only found out now what he is like. I can´t get over this and from now on I will change in that I am going to become more assertive towards him and I will not allow him to control me in any way. Thank God I never got married to him! I now feel so hurt and incredulous that he is such a cold person, I just can´t accept it!
Today I have done what he asked me to. I have closed down his Facebook account but before I did it I changed his email address (as I opened another email account for him) on the settings and his password. He will not hurt me with that again if I can help it. I just hope he doesn´t turn aggressive…
Meantime I think I must start sorting out my life because this person that seemed to loving and caring has now turned out so cold and manipulative that I feel it was a waste of 6 years of my life. You were absolutely right… I had better leave as soon as I can before this person hurts me even more… I really must thank you for your honest opinion and support. It means so much to me. I will keep giving you feedback. Once again, thank you!