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Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My ex husband wants us to still be friends, but he lied to

Resolved Question:

My ex husband wants us to still be friends, but he lied to me for ten years by not revealing he was gay. Also, he admitted to inappropriately touching my 10 year old son. He cheated online many times, especially with younger boys. I think I'd be emotionally healthier sooner if we just went totally separate ways, but he keeps insisting he is my best friend. Thoughts?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Luann :


Luann :

Your discomfort and uncertaintly about being friends is certainly understandable. I encourage you to trust your feelings. You have experienced a huge betrayal. Your ex-husband is not understanding how his lying has hurt you. If he can not respect your need for space right now and his need to repair the trust he has ruined, he will not be able to be a respectful friend. You need to surround yourself with people who respect you and validate your feelings. Why do you feel like you owe him anything? You can not be his friend right now, move on, get healthy, you deserve it.

Customer: HelloI know. It's just I thought he was my best friend. I miss what I thought he was . He makes me feel guilty for turning my back on him.
Customer: But he acts passive aggessive. Says he is my best friend but still does hurtful things to me.
Customer: Guess I am looking for how to make him understand I cannot be his friend anymore.
Luann :

Take some space from him, it is clear that you are hurting. Get into some therapy for yourself. Heal. Find new friends. You need to focus on you. Stop focusing on him. The best way you can get him to understand and is to tell him you can't be friends and stop having contact with him. You have not been able to get him to understand you thus far, I think he doesn't really care what you think or feel.

Customer: Yes. Thanks. It helps to hear what I know in my heart confirmed. And yes I am hurting. The pain is overwhelming. Not sure I can ever heal from his touching my son inappropriately. Maybe he just wants to be my "friend" so I don't sue him for child sexual abuse. So I keep his secret. He has threatened suicide if I tell anyone. But thanks. You are right. I am in pain but I will get help and try to start healing.
Customer: Will your response be saved if I hit the accept button?
Luann :

I do not know where the responses go, that is a good question. I wish you the best!

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