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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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We have a 13 year old daughter that thinks that we are too

Customer Question

We have a 13 year old daughter that thinks that we are too strict on her. We don't let her do what other parents let their children do such as school dances and go to other friends houses to spend the night. We are very protective at this age. Are we wrong? We don't want to push her into rebellion but at this point we don't know what to do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 6 years ago.
cathy :

Hi and thanks for writing ja

cathy :

are you there?

cathy :

okay let us know when you are back on line and it is convenient for you to chat about this

Customer:

Hello

cathy :

Hi there, nice to see you

cathy :

How are you today?

Customer:

I'm good thank you

cathy :

great

cathy :

I have read your post

cathy :

I am wondering what your concerns are that you do not permit her sleep overs or going to the school dances?

cathy :

what concerns you?

cathy :

hello are you there?

Customer:

I guess it is her age. But my husband and I think maybe we are too strict. We do not want to push her away. We are older parents and I think that is an issue too

cathy :

Okay

cathy :

so how do we sort this out

cathy :

13 is about the right age for school dances and sleep overs

cathy :

so what do we do to help you to trust her to start doing these things>

cathy :

I think we are having some technical problems with chat mode

cathy :

my screen shows you coming in and out of chat

cathy :

and I cant tell if you are there or not

Customer:

We do trust her. We just thought that maybe she was too young. Like I said we are older parents and I think we are basing her on our teen lives.

cathy :

how old are you?

Customer:

56 and my husband is 47

cathy :

okay you are younger than I am

cathy :

when children are 13 they go to school dances. I remember doing this when I was 13

cathy :

and we had great fun at sleep overs

cathy :

I do recall that our parents supervised these events

cathy :

and they spoke to each other on the phone before each event

cathy :

but that is what 13 years old do

cathy :

they begin puberty and start to individuate

cathy :

you cant use age here as a reason because in our era we did thost tihngs at that very age

Customer:

ok maybe we need to expand ourselves also to give her a little more freedom. When I was 13 I couldn't do those things. My dad was very strict. That is why I don't want to be too strict with her

cathy :

oh yes you have to let her do these things

cathy :

that is what 13 year olds do

cathy :

do you like her friends? are they from good families?

cathy :

do you know her friends parents>

Customer:

I know most of her friends and their families. Some we don't

cathy :

well good then

Customer:

Thank you for your response

cathy :

as long as you know the people she will be with

cathy :

you should be in good stead

cathy :

I know you will be nervous at first but time to loosen the grip

cathy :

good luck to you on this

Customer:

Thanks

cathy :

Have a nice evening now