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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Prom it is a big event in which parents are involved in taking

Customer Question

Prom: it is a big event in which parents are involved in taking pictures and helping get things together prior to the event. I asked my son 3 weeks before if he wanted to go to his jr prom and have me help him with expenses and planning he needed to get his failing grades up. He told me that he could care less about prom and was not going to raise his grades from d's and f's until the last two weeks of school. Then he calls me three days before prom and says as soon as I answer the phone, "Hey are you going to give me money for Prom?" I say to him, "I thought you weren't going" He says he doesn't want to go but his girlfriend is insisting they go. I tell him that I am not helping him because he did not get his grades up and he hangs up the phone. His girlfriend texts me and tells me when they will be doing pictures so I can be there. He tells me not to come because I don't deserve to be there since I didn't help him expense wise. I didn't go. Did I do the right thing?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I think if you want to practice tough love then you definitely did the right thing. I couldn't have pulled that off. I think that you could have found a consequence that wasn't as severe as not paying for prom. Like you said, prom is important; a rite of passage. There were probably other solutions. Now once he once he threatened to cause a scene you should not have gone. I am just wondering if there was a different consequence than that. Something more trivial that he wouldn't remember for a long time. Sometimes tough love is the best solution though
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Last year he pulled the same thing before going to the prom as a sophomore and I rushed to get everything together and buy a corsage the day of the event as well as hand over money for tux and dinner. I talked to him 3 weeks in advance this year because I did not want to repeat that, but he said he wasn't going to go. I anticipated him doing this, I just expected him to talk with me more about negotiating the grade thing but instead he calls me up instead of coming home in person and doesn't even say hello just "Are you going to give me money for prom."
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It sounds like he can be very manipulative. I understand now why you stood your ground. That's kind of a poor me approach. My mom won't help me; my mom's a horrible person. I completely understand. Stick with tough love
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes he is a master manipulator and you are so right about the poor me. Thank you!
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Hang in there