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Ask Arundhati Your Own Question
Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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Why do women want to be in a caring relationship then back

Customer Question

Why do women want to be in a caring relationship then back off after meeting a great guy and say I am scared? Additionally, she married her high school sweetheart- divorced with one child- then remarried and don't know the whole story but says he treated her poorly- divorced him after short period of time- she has been divorced 10 years and says wants a committed relationship.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

Sometimes people are deeply affected by certain negative relationships and that can scar them for a long time.

I think you are doing the right things by giving space and listening. I would encourage you to continue to do that.

If she is currently not in therapy that is something she might consider as it would help her process some of the hurt from her past relationships.

I hope that was helpful.

Please let me know if you have questions/thoughts.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
How much time and 'caring" can I do when she wantsto be with me but says not now or at this time? i love this woman and it is difficult to just sit here and wait. I guess the answer is: if she's worth it then I will wait until she is ready? i dont want to be a doormat or be viewed as desperate because I am not..how should i communicate this with her? Show her that she is still number 1 yet hang in there? It is a difficult situation for me to be in and I I am not an 18 yr old kid so I love everything about her...
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for the additional information.

Your feelings are valid and understandable. However, unfortunately I think pushing her too much or putting too much pressure on her will only lead to her moving away further. What you could consider doing though is bringing up this topic with her and expressing your feelings and your fears and ask her if she is able to provide you with a tentative time line at least like say 3 months or 6 months or 1 yr - by which she may have an answer. This would be a reasonable request. If she's unable to provide you with any time line at all then it would be unfair. But if she does, I'd say you could give her the space and wait it out.

I hope that was helpful.

Please do let me know if you have questions/thoughts.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati