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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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How do you conquer being frightened of beautiful, sexy women

Customer Question

How do you conquer being frightened of beautiful, sexy women knowing your partner loves to look at them? I feel unloved and threatened. THANK YOU! Kathy
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling. Have the two of you talked about this? If yes, what was discussed? If no, why have the two of you not talked about this?
Now, let me say something about this. Clearly, since you were a beauty queen, that is what your husband finds attractive. All of us still look at the opposite sex at times. I am not talking about spouses who cheat on one another. It is quite another thing for a spouse to do that in front of their significant other. It is insensitive and terribly hurtful! You need to say that to him --- that is, that you understand him looking at beautiful, sexy women but it is most insensitive to do that in front of you. How would he feel if you did that --- looked at handsome sexy men in front of him. Tell him that you find it most disrespectful and that you just don't understand that he has no compunction about how he is hurting you.

I'll pause here and await your response.
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes, we have discussed this. He just thinks nothing is more beautiful than a woman, any ethnic, etc. It just makes me feel unloved and inadequate.

My terribly basic question is: Why do men (mine especially) need to look, if they really love you and are satisfied with you? If I was "enough" why does he need to think sexually of others?

If they love you, why look?

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
They all look. We look, too. Not as much. But he should not, as I said do that in front of you. It is disrespectful and hurtful.