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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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My son is obsessive about everything that he gets involved

Customer Question

My son is obsessive about everything that he gets involved with. My concern is that he is so focused on his girlfriend and his car that he does not seem to care about his appearance. He has graduated from college and has a good job but his appearance is very important in order for him to keep this job. When I mention this to him he becomes very abusive. What should I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
Mark Manley :

Hello can you chat for a bit?

Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for using JustAnswer.
I can see why you are concerned about your son.
So I can formulate the best answer could you provide me with a little more information?
What does your son do when he becomes abusive?
What kind of work does he do?
Does he live with you?
Do you know if his girlfriend is concerned about his appearance?
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
My son is a school teacher and he is verbally abusive. He ignores me tells, me to shut up or that he hates me. He is smater than I am so there is a smart answer for everything. He lives at home. I have not met his girfriend yet but have talked to her over the phone. She puts up with the unkept look.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Where is the answer? Thanks.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
Sorry it took a while to get you this answer, I was busy with other clients.
If he is so smart and so capable he would probably do quite well on his own. If he doesn't want to be mothered any more, let him go and let him deal with the consequences good or bad on his own. I suggest you ponder on this question "Why would I have somebody live with me who treats me with disrespect?"
It just occurred to me that you may need his financial support. Are you financially dependent on him?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No, I do not need his support he does not contribute anything to the household. He ask if I could give him a year so that he could pay his car out. I was told that he is angry because I gave him only a small amount of money when he graduated from college, but I gave my middle son a $4,000 down payment on his car when he graduated. My financial situation was better when my middle son graduated but he does not seem to understand. My elderly mother needed help and I just did not have the cash. I signed for his car so that he could get a low interest rate. He is saving about $200 a month on his car by my signing for it.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
You have been as generous with him as you can be and that is all anyone could ask. In a family every child does not get the 'same thing' they get what they 'need' as far a family resources can provide. Needs vary from child to child and family resources vary with time as well.
You are right to be concerned about him but his attitude does not merit your input. When his year is up he will probably leave on his own but if not I suggest you scoot him out. In the mean time I would greatly limit or avoid altogether giving him advice or sharing your concerns. If he looses his job he will just need to live on his own at whatever wage he can find. If along the way he shows some openness to input see if you can steer him to some therapy to let someone else take the abuse.
Thanks for your question.
Let me know if you need any further assistance.
Mark Manley
Mark Manley and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
You are welcome.