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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5810
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My boyfriend & I have been together for 3 years. We have an

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My boyfriend & I have been together for 3 years. We have an open, loving and respectful relationship. 6 mo's ago he wanted to put space between us for clarity. He said if we were to go forward as boyfriend and girlfriend it will lead to engagement & marriage. We are both around 50 yrs old. We tried space but can't stay away from each other. He has yet made a decision and continues to tell me he loves me & I'm the best thing to ever happen to him. He continues to stay away every weekend but during the week it's different.  There is No One else.  I'm getting tired of being in limbo. Any suggestions?

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your boyfriend is afraid that if your relationship continues, he will be obligated to propose. Has there been talk about marriage between you both? If so, that may be what made him feel he needs space.

You can react in a couple of ways to this. One, you can back off and let him have space. Find something to do on the weekends he is not with you. Develop new friendships, start a hobby, or travel. Whatever keeps you busy.

Two, you can tell him that you want more out of your relationship. Tell him that you are unhappy with how it is and you want to find a solution together. Then talk it out. If he refuses to do this, you will need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship.

Three, you can suggest counseling. He may benefit in particular if he is fearful of commitment. Talk with your doctor about a referral. Or, if you attend church, talk with your pastor. You can also search on line at

It does sound like the two of you are compatible. This may just be a matter of his feelings about being married. If he was hurt before, then that may explain it. But if he has never been married, he may have a life long fear of committing. Therapy can help him overcome his feelings and continue with your relationship.

I hope this helps,


I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?


Customer: replied 6 years ago.

We are both religious and pray every day about it. Around Sept, my birthday time, I was looking a saphire rings and that may have scared him! We are both divorced. Also, he knows how I'm ok with just "boyfriend" status but apparently he's not. He's like all or nothing. I know he doesn't want to hurt me. I told him I didn't want to pressure him but he stopped taking me around his family. I have met his Mom and daughter, and he's met my mom. I told him if he wanted to break up that was ok, at least there would be closure. It's so painful because when two people love each other I believe they should be together. His actions however, don't match his words.

It sounds like he may be putting this pressure on himself. For some reason, he feels he needs to follow through with marriage. Or it could be that he is looking for a reason to end the relationship and he is putting this out there because it's the only way he feels he can end it.

It is painful to have this going on in your relationship. I understand. What you may want to do is take action yourself. Waiting for him to decide is leaving you in limbo, just like you suggested. By taking action, you can give yourself some confidence and control over your own feelings. Try the suggestions we talked about before and if they don't work, then decide what you feel comfortable living with.


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