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Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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I have been sober for 92 days and attend AA. I am in a relationship

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I have been sober for 92 days and attend AA. I am in a relationship for 10 years and he is very supportive. We have had difficulties in the last 9 months some due to my drinking. We have been apart for the last 3 months as I have been overseas he has now asked me to marry him which is what I have always wanted. I am wondering is this too early in my recovery to make this major decision or should I go along with my feelings. He is older than I loves me very much but I cant help wondering if it is only because he is afraid he may loose me. We do not live together full-time as he lives in a more remote area than I.My family who have helped me greatly I know will think I should wait and keep my distance for a while longer.

Luann :


Luann :

Congratulations on your 92 days of sobriety. That is a big accomplishment. It is also a big change in your life. When people make a big change, like sobriety, it is important to keep other major life changes to a minimum. The conventional wisdom in the recovery field is to not make any major life decisions for a year. You and your boyfriend have been together for 10 years, so it isn't like you just met someone at AA a couple of months ago and are thinking of getting married.

Luann :

I would encourage you to take your time. A person goes through a lot of changes their first year of sobriety. That doesn't mean you shouldn't accept his proposal, it just means take your time to plan a wedding.

Luann :

You need the time and energy to focus on you and your recovery. Don't let getting married get in the way of that. Sobriety first, slowly plan a marriage. In addition, I hope your boyfriend is going to Alanon. It will greatly help him understand what you are going through and will strengthen your relationship.


Thank you. I think in my heart I knew I should wait. I have been having difficulties with his daughter who is in late 30s and really not looking forward to any confrontations with her. I will not make any major decisions for the time being, like moving down to live with him permanently as this would alos limit the number of AA meetings I could attend.

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