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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My husband of almost 20 years has asked for a divorce just

Resolved Question:

My husband of almost 20 years has asked for a divorce just this Wednesday. Things have not been goo since 2006 when I found out he cheated at least twice. He is a great father, and when we were good, it was awesome. I don't know how to make things right, if they can be. He state sthat he has tried, but reality is that he shut down totally as of his birthday last July. This is the last time we were intimate. His idea of trying seems to have been to come home, make some jokes with the children, 16 and 11, and then down a bottle of wine before going to bed. I don't know what to do and am very scared. Please help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Luann :

Hello

Luann :

I am sorry to hear about your marital difficulties. I am sure that it has been a strain for you these past 5 years and especially the past 9 months. Unfortunately, nothing you say or do will magically make him want to try. You have probably tried everything with little response. We can not change other people. If your husband does not want to change, he will not. You can suggest marital counseling and see if he is willing to go. However, I recommend that you seek individual counseling first. You have been beaten down by this situation and need to focus on building yourself up. Find a therapist you can work with. You deserve to feel better and you can regardless of what happens with your marriage. Focus on building your self-esteem and deciding what you want from a relationship. Good luck to you and let me know if you have further questions.

Customer:

Thank you. I had already suggested counselling, individual and combined marital, both of which were declined.

Customer:

Thanks again.

Luann :

It was good that you asked. You needed to know what he was willing to do, which it sounds like nothing. Shift your focus to you.

Luann :

Do you need anything else? Any other questions?

Customer:

I don't think so. I have the number for the counsellors for my office EAP program. I'm going to call first thing tomorrow. I need to prepare myself for being single after so long, and handle the children's questions and emotions, which will be inevitable. Thanks again for your help.

Luann :

EAP is a great program. Good luck to you. If you are satisfied with our interaction, please click the accept button. Thank you and good luck to you.

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