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I just found out that my 15 year old daughter is dating a 18

year old boy who is...
I just found out that my 15 year old daughter is dating a 18 year old boy who is a junoir in high school from her mother whom i am seperated from. My daughter and i discussed that i would allow dating when she became a junior in high school only if she mantained good grades. Her grades are good but the fact that the boy is 18 and she made this discission with out consulting me is unexscussible to me. Her mother said that she has no problem with the age diffrence. Please help.
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
4/2/2011
Brad The Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 550
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Verified
Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your question. Before providing any recommendations, I have a few clarifying questions. What are your current concerns for your daughter? Have you been able to express these concerns to your wife/ex-wife (I couldn't tell what your relationship with the mother was).

Customer:

that shes way in over her head with a 18 year old adult and not yet mature enough to be in a relastionship and her safety and the boys saftey. Me and my wife are currently seperated...for 3 years. Yes i have exspressed my concerns, but to no agreement

Brad The Therapist :

What was your wife's response to your concerns?

Brad The Therapist :

Also, how would you describe your relationship with your daughter?

Customer:

that she has it all under controll and that i shouldnt be worried becuase his a good boy

Brad The Therapist :

Do you trust your ex-wife?

Customer:

I do. But we dont agree on this matter do to the age diffrence.

Brad The Therapist :

I know you do not approve your daughter dating an 18 year old. If you ban your daughter from dating this boy, what do you think will happen?

Customer:

i think she will be made at me at first, but she will get over it because she knows im looking after her best intrest. Mind you that she whent behind my back anyway.

Brad The Therapist :

If she already went behind your back, don't you think she will try to see him secretly?

Customer:

yes, but there must be a consequense to her action regardless. What do sugest i do?

Brad The Therapist :

I have to opposing suggestions you can take. My first recommendation is to meet this boy with your daughter so you can get to know him. Also you can tell your daughter that you do not approve of her dating someone much older, but you know that you cannot stop her. If she is sexually active, I suggest having a talk about safe sex. If she is not sexually active, I suggest having a talk about safe sex. Then, let her know that you are concerned about her and that she can always come to you for support. The other completely opposite recommendation I have is to ban her from seeing this boy (but I have a feeling she may find ways to see him anyway) The thing is, the more you ban something from a teen, the more the teen may push back (depending on the teen of course)

Brad The Therapist :

If you chose the second suggestion, you will have to somehow convince your ex-wife about this because you will be seen as the "bad guy" if your ex does not follow along, damaging your relationship with your daughter.

Brad The Therapist :

I completely understand your concerns because you don't want your daughter to get hurt, taken advantage of, etc. Basically for her safety. I encourage you to share your concerns for safety to her as well if you follow the second suggestion

Customer:

thank you Brad. Have a good evening.

Brad The Therapist :

Good luck!

Brad The Therapist :

I hope you found this helpful. Please consider pressing the "accept" button.

Brad The Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 550
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Verified
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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
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