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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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My older sister who lives in a different state has told everyone

Customer Question

My older sister who lives in a different state has told everyone (including the housekeeper, lawn man and HHA) that my mother has a restraining order against her and to report me if I went to visit her. We went to the sheriff's office today where they looked in their database and found no such restraining order and no "physical violence" as my sister accused me of. My mother, who was diagnosed as borderline/histrionic when I was a child feeds into her negativity and is easily manipulated. She agrees with everything my mother tells her and then uses it against me. I live 1200 miles away in Florida and I have not been to my mom's house for over 3 months because of these allegations. Today I confronted her on the phone and she denied it all!

I really don't want to have anything to do with my sister, who thrives on chaos and "control". This has been an issue since we were children. We were both severely mentally and physically abused. I am bipolar and very sensitive and this situation is making me very depressed as I feel I am helpless to do anything. Could she possibly be sued for "defamation and/or slander". I want the madness to stop. I feel like she's "gaslighting" me because of my BP1.

I would appreciate any advice you can offer. I don't see my psychiatrist till next week.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 6 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

thank you for your question, and I sympathize with your current situation with your sister. I have a few questions before giving my recommendation. What would be your ideal relationship at this point?

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

I have tried to "separate" from my mother as she is very ill mentally and I can't cope with her. I haven't seen her in 3 months, and I hear these lies being told by her constantly.

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

I just want her to leave me and my family alone

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

And my sister.

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

I never really had a real mother or sister. It was a very toxic environment.

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

My father was the stable one.

Brad The Therapist :

I am sorry to hear about your familiar relationship. At this point, ideally, you do not want any relationship with your mother and sister. Is that correct? Is the advice you are seeking regarding how to achieve this?

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

Yes. That and how do I stop my sister from trying to control me from 1200 miles away.

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

I' m scared of her and what she might do . . .

Brad The Therapist :

To end all contact with your mother and sister, I would first start writing down thoughts and feelings you have in terms of your relationship. Your feelings of hurt, disappointment, anger, etc should be written out. Then, I would compose a note that expresses these thoughts and feelings. Have someone read it over so that the letter does not come across as vengeful. After the letter is composed, send it to them. If you want to hear a response of the letter from, you can include that in your note. If not, I would explicitly write that you will contact them when you felt ready to discuss this matter any further.

JACUSTOMER-txip2qbx- :

Okay. I'll try. thanks.

Brad The Therapist :

I hope you find this helpful.

Brad The Therapist :

Please consider pressing the "accept" button if you found this helpful.

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