Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I am most empathetic to your plight, and understand, as you do, that you have to take much of the responsibility for the current situation.
Ascribing blame is not important. What counts is:
- authentically changing your thinking and behaviour, and
- convincing your wife that this change is indeed authentic
I strongly urge you to find a well-respected therapist (marriage and family or mental health therapist), one that your wife and you both feel good about, and try some sessions together.
Limit your contact with her to brief and very positive contacts. Write her love letters or poems if you can; send her flowers; send her chocolates. If you want to win her back, court her like your relationship depends on it, because it does.
If you do win her back, then you must henceforth devote enough time to her, listen to her ideas, and make her an equal partner in your relationship.
If you get her back but then slip back into the old behaviour, then you might lose her forever.
Stay in touch with your kids. Never say anything negative about their mom. Do your best to put a good face on, and have no expectations for her to reciprocate. She is very angry with you still, and you will have to give her enough time, and hope that you can win her back.
There are no guarantees, and you can only do your best, ***** ***** put family first. Your family, if you want to keep it, will have to be in the center of your life, rather than your work, schemes, or needs.
Set your mind to win her back, but you must not do anything to upset her or maker her give up on you,for she is very close to quitting.
I wish you the strength to be consistently positive and single-minded about winning her back, in a low-key but persistent and consistent manner.
Best wishes for success for all of your family.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC