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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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I have done something in the past that I am having troubles

Resolved Question:

I have done something in the past that I am having troubles dealing with. The worst is knowing that if the one I love finds out he would be unbelievably hurt. I am need in positive feedback. I need to hear something positive... I don't really know what I am asking for I just need help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds to me like you took some actions in the past which you are currently regretting.

First of all, please don't be to harsh on yourself. When you took the actions/steps that you took you probably didn't have all the information that you do now. Or perhaps you were consumed by emotion at that moment and weren't thinking straight? Whatever the reason, do keep in mind that it is now in the past, and there's nothing you can do to change it.

Consequently there are two approaches you can take. One approach would be to simply acknowledge that you did something wrong and to let it go and forget about it. To understand that you were limited in your thinking/reasoning and did what you did because you didn't know any better and you won't make the same mistake again. The second approach would be to speak to the person who you believe will be very hurt if he finds out. You can confess to them that you made a mistake and regret your actions and that you won't do it again.

I'd say go with the approach that feels most comfortable to you. But again, don't be too harsh on yourself.

I hope this was helpful.

Please do let me know if you have additional questions/thoughts.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
It is okay to just accept it and move forward, right?

I know that is what I want to do because I am not strong enough to confront him. I decided that's what I was going to do a while ago but I still hurt so much. I find I keep reciting "I hate myself, I hate myself" in my head. Realistically, I know what I did could have been much worse, but for me, it is worse enough.

Will this pain ever go away if I stick with this approach?
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for writing back with your additional question.

Yes, you can certainly accept that you made a mistake and move on. You need to ensure two things though. One is, you need to promise yourself that you will not repeat the mistake you made. And second is you've got to let go of the guilt. If you hold on to the guilt you will not be able to truly move on - you'll always be thinking back to the past and blaming yourself and that is not going to help anyone.

The pain will certainly go away if you can make the above two promises to yourself and whenever you find yourself thinking negatively, simply remind yourself of your promise and put the thoughts of the incident away from your mind.

Try this approach and see how it goes.

I hope this was helpful. If it was will you please consider clicking on the "Accept" button as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

You are welcome to continue the conversation even after you click "Accept.

Thank you and warm regards,

Arundhati and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you