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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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My husband cheated on me i forgave him, we had a 2nd child

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Hi,my husband cheated on me i forgave him, we had a 2nd child after the affair. he cheated on me when i was pregnant. he wanted to leave then he changed his mind but i could not trust him so i was not intimate with him. he cheats again and he called his mistress a girl friend. he posts pictures of her on fb saying she is the love of his life. i told him we need a divorce. we went to mediation he back he said he wanted his family back. i was confused because he says he wants his family but he keeps seeing his mistress. i sent him to counseling and he told the counselor that he wanted me to change so i can be his sex slave. i over stated to him that was his last chance, he can take it or leave it. my counselor said my husband does not care about being married. now that i contacted my lawyer to move on with the divorce he says again he does not want a divorce he realizes he did bad things to me. in my wishful thinking i would like him to wake up before the marriage is over but i do not think he is sincere. i am confused i have 2 kids i want a stable home for them. i want to be happy i do not know what to do. i feel stuck confused. if i stay with him i don't think he will be faithful, and the fact he knew he cheated several times and i forgave him will just let him be more cruel to me. if i divorce i would beat up myself for failing my marriage when i know i gave this man everything i could, i have been loyal, caring, loving to the best of my knowledge. and what hurts me the most i do not know which option will be better for my kids. staying with him or divorcing him. i know for a fact that i do not want to stay married to a cheating husband because i am sad i feel worthless i feel hopeless. by the way i work i am independent but i am confused. i need help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thank you for your question. I'm reading it right now and will reply shortly to you.
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Okay I have read your situation. I understand how difficult this is for you, especially with two young children. However, you have more than enough evidence here that is showing that your husband is not trustworthy, is not serious about rebuilding trust and has deep seated issues that need to be addressed, which have nothing to do with you.

He could be suffering from a sexual addiction/compulsion. This can get better but only with hard work, dedication and long-term counseling for him. Even in that scenario, there is often a chance for a relapse or another affair. His behavior is quite simply outrageous and over the top.

You need to adjust your thinking in that you have not failed in this marriage! You are simply in a marriage that is not working, due to his continual destructive behavior. So, do NOT beat yourself up if you choose to divorce. In fact, you would fare better emotionally if you did get away from this chaos, as you said you are feeing hopeless, worthless currently. The kids would do best in a household that is tension free and where their primary caretaker (in this case, Mom) feels happy and stable. I can't imagine that this is a good environment for them with all of this going on, and your attention and energy being zapped due to this ongoing situation.

In summary, your husband has not shown in any way that he is serious about changing. His promises are empty and at this point, are not to be trusted. My best advice is to proceed with what will make you feel most at peace, in control of your daily life and future and give you back your self-esteem and feelings of worth. This will only reflect well on your children as well. I hope I have been helpful in guiding you in a good direction. And counseling for yourself, of course, would only be most beneficial. I wish you all the best. Please click ACCEPT so I'm credited for this answer. Feel free to continue the discussion with me, even after clicking ACCEPT. Thank you.

Kristin and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Did you have any questions for me? If so, please do ask me...

If not, please do click ACCEPT so I'm credited for my help today.. thank you.