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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My mom lost her job a year ago. She has been severely

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My mom lost her job a year ago. She has been severely depressed since, doesn't know what she wants to do. Doesn't think she is capable of getting a job and is scared to death of having the wrong answers to the interview questions. She has been studying interview questions for over a year. I called her this morning and asked her what she was doing. She said just laying here going over interview questions and answers in my head. This is almost daily and she wants everyone to help her. She cries alot and won't listen to any of her family. She is dyslexic and that has been a huge brick wall. However, I feel that her biggest problem is OCD and she uses having dyslexia and depression to hide from her fears. She won't listen justs debates or has an excuse for everything anyone tries to do or say to help. She only wants to study these "interview questions". What do I do?
Luann :

Hello

Customer:

Hi

Luann :

It is very difficult when someone you love is depressed and not doing well. She needs professional help to deal with her depression and anxiety. You have probably recommended this, keep recommending it. Your role is to be her daughter - to love and support her.

Luann :

I encourage you to not focus on her issues, but to just be with her. Take her out to lunch, go for walks, go to a movie -engage in health promoting activities. She needs a distraction from her constant worry and distress. You can help her with that.

Luann :

Affirm her feelings, don't try to fix or advise. Your loving presence will be the most healing thing you can do for her.

Customer:

She has been in couseling for almost a full year and also is taking classes to help her with the job process.

Luann :

That is fantastic! You could maybe go to a counseling session with her to discuss your concerns and to ask what you can do to be most helpful. Ask your mom if you can join her some time.

Customer:

Problem is, she says she needs my help and if I don't she gets upset with me. I asked her to watch my son this afternoon and she says she will help me if I help her with her interview questions. I said "mom you know I am not very good at this".

Customer:

I have been to counseling with her. The counseler said just what you did. Problem is that knowone see's the obsessions.

Luann :

You need to draw a boundary, tell her that her counselor and class will help her with that but you can not. List the things you can help her with, like doing pleasant things. This discussion may be most productive in a counseling session where the counselor can be supportive to you and clarify what you are saying with your mom. You can also describe the OCD symptoms that you see. Your mom does not see them nor report them.

Customer:

She carries around note cards and studies these interview questions until she makes herself crazy. Rocks back and forth and cries.

Luann :

If you do not go to a counseling session, you should still report these symptoms to her counselor.

Customer:

If I try and describe or tell her I think she is going in circles and may have a bit of OCD then she get mad at me. Can I call her counselor?

Customer:

sorry hit wrong button

Luann :

Yes, call her counselor. Her counselor may not be able to give you information but you can report things to her.Try your best to ignore her when she does these things, try to distract her, get her out of the house or talking about something else.

Customer:

OK. Thank you!

Luann :

When you are going to see your mom, try to create a situation where you are going to do something. Don't spend a lot of time at her house where she ruminates. Just pick her up and go.

Customer:

She will be at my house this afternoon. I don

Customer:

don't spend much time at her house. She is so worried about money that she has no food so I take her some here and there and always buy her lunch/dinner. She also barely will turn her heat on. we live in iowa.

Luann :

Have things to do, have her help you cook or clean. Go for a walk or run errands. Don't just sit around and talk. Cook some meals together that she can take home. She really needs your love and support. Hang in there with her, she is lucky to have you.

Customer:

This is exactly what I have been doing. However, I feel she thinks that is not enough or that I am not willing to help her. However, the fact is that I am avoiding a conflict or a detrament(sp?) to our relationship. I am not sure she is getting the right help?

Luann :

You may want to check out an organization called NAMI, national alliance on mental illness, www.nami.org. They have a lot of information about mental illness for people with a mental illness and family members. They have chapters all over the country. They may have a support group near you. Know that you are doing all you can do for her. If she feels it is not enough, that is her problem. You can not fix her, she needs to accept and utilize the help she is getting.

Customer:

Thanks again!! Michelle

Luann :

Good luck to, get support for yourself, this is an emotionally draining situation.

Luann :

Goodbye.

Luann and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you