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Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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I am married with two children aged 6 months & 4 years old.

Customer Question

I am married with two children aged 6 months & 4 years old. My mother left mewith my Grandparents when I was 11 & we never had much of a relationship. She became an alcoholic & eight years ago when I was 20 she became very ill. I took her in & helped her get better. Last year she got sectioned somewhat out of the blue & has been in the hospital ever since. She wont really tell me the full story of what's been going on, but they've told me she's been making threats against people & saying she's hearing voices telling her to do bad things. I lost my Grandad in November, and he brought me up all my life, he was a wonderful father figure & I miss him so much. After everything that's been happening I feel like I've got so much on my plate that I'm neglectingmy own husband & children because I'm always so preoccupied. Mum was close to being discharged a couple of weeks ago to hernew home but has since been re-sectioned under section 3, so possibly for another 6 months.
My husband worries about me as my relationship with my mother is somewhat one sided, where I have always been there for her but she's never been there for me. She has told me just toconcentrate on my family & leave her to it. What should I do? I know you can't tell me what to do but I'd like some advice. Is it selfish of me to want to just leave her to get on with it now while I concentrate on my own life?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Luann :


Luann :

You describe a very difficult situation. It is understandable that you are feeling torn.

Luann :

You need to learn how to have a relationship with your mother with boundaries. It is not all or nothing.


I don't know what to do for the best really. My mother was only 14 when Iwas born so I understand things were hard for her, but I can't afford forher to takeover mylife. My husband is worried she'll want me to be her slavewhen she gets out.

Luann :

Your family has to be top priority. There is nothing wrong with a certain amount of selfishness.

Luann and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Get some support for yourself from a support group like Alanon or Adult Children of Alcoholics. While your mother has many other issues besides alcoholism, these programs would give you the tools to create healthier boundaries. There are good books too - "Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Janet Woititz is one, any of the Alanon books are great too. Good luck to you! let me know if you have any further questions.