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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I have been an emotional wreck for months now because i'm

Customer Question

I have been an emotional wreck for months now because i'm married and in love with another man. I have tried and want to leave my spouse, but I can't stop thinking about how hurt my spouse will be if I leave, yet by staying I can't get over the guilt of my infidelity and not loving my spouse. Also I can't get over the other man. How do I deal with my out of control emotions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 6 years ago.
Carol Kryder LMFT :

Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer. Your question is not closed until you are satisfied. I am happy to assist you with your question.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

You need to talk to someone who can help you clarify. You are caught between your positive emotions for the other man versus your guilt for hurting your husband. This is not the best time for you to be making any life changing decisions. Please speak with someone who can help you sort out your feelings so that you can make a rational decision. You already know you can't go on like this.


I know I need to talk to someone and i've tried several times, but I guess I have not been able to express what's really going on in order to get the help I need. I had a therapist tell me I need to stay with my spouse and proceed to tell me how to do that. How do I find the right therapist? What do I look for? Someone who specializes in relationships? Individual? I need to work on "me" I want to understand why i'm so discontented in my marriage and I started feeling this way even before I met the other man. Is it never possible to truly love someone else and have that relationship work? I just want to get past the issues of my past that cause me to feel I have to put everyone before myself, specifically, feeling "mom will be mad at me if I leave my husband".

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Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 6 years ago.
I understand that you are confused and very unhappy. Yes, you need to work with someone individually to find out what happened early on in your life that may have had an impact on your present relationships. You really don't want to make a mistake, here.
When you interview your next therapist, make sure they do not have a bias either toward or against your staying in the marriage. What I mean is, they must be neutral and objective.
As for your people-pleasing, especially your mother, you really need to explore that in therapy. You will continue to fall into old patterns unless you make specific changes.
If you prefer an online therapist, you can try and pick a therapist. Let me know if you need further help.