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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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How do you heal from the pain of having to stop communicating with a toxic family My bro

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How do you heal from the pain of having to stop communicating with a toxic family? My brother took all the elder's money and abused elder dad and later dumped my elder dad on us. At 55 I had to take brother to court and finally he took back dad, and isolated both parents from me, so he could cash over half million lying saying I hated them and all I wanted was money. The man forced me to take in dad, else he was in the street. Against my lawyer's advice I stopped figthing and simply walked away. Parents had been abusive and neglected me as a child. Brother has addictions, and problems and a large family to feed. No amount of money could give me back my life and I am happy and don't need their money. So, why do I still think about this? My little brother I raised turned out to be so hateful and evil. I didn't even know him anymore. That was a shock.

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've had to go through. It seems like your brother has been adept at manipulating the situation to his advantage and I think even though like you mentioned, you don't want the money, it is more the feeling of being abused and betrayed by the family that is causing you pain and making it hard to let go of the issue and move on. You mentioned that your parents had always been somewhat abusive towards you as a child - that indicates that you've gone through a lot emotionally and might have pent up/buried feelings that you haven't yet fully processed. Also, with regard to your brothers I think the shock, their abusive behavior, their manipulation and their deliberately isolating your parents from you and making you feel guilty for your actions is at the root of your current distress.

The way I see it, the best way you will be able to come to terms with the current situation and find peace is by processing the underlying feelings and bringing them to surface. As you acknowledge and express the buried feelings within and work with a professional to process them, you will find you're able to cope better and better with the situation. So in effect I would recommend consulting with a psychotherapist, preferably a psychoanalytic psychotherapist to work through this.

I hope I have been able to provide some perspective. Again, I'm very sorry to hear you've gone through such a difficult experience.

Please do let me know if you have additional questions/clarifications/thoughts.

Warm regards,

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