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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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Hi, I am married with two kids since last 10 years. We are

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am married with two kids since last 10 years. We are from India and soon after the marriage, the conflict started between my wife and my mom. My wife felt insulted when my mom used to tell something to my wife whenever my wife used to make some mistake. And eventhough my mom spoke to her in a good voice, my wife used to take it in a negative spirit and made a big issue out of it. Slowly things worsened and my wife started talking aloud to my mom and it resulted into quarels. My wife has NEVER ever apologised to my mom or to my dad or even to me. Now we are away from my parents since last 6 years, still my wife keeps fighting when she thinks about previous episodes. She just makes a big issue out of everything. Could this be some psychic disorder and if so what are the remedies. Is the solution permanent ? Due to this situation, I was under psychic depression and doctor prescribed me Zoloft 50 mg. We have even consulted the pychiatrist for my wife and she too is under medication with the same drug - Zoloft 50 mg since January this year. I still do not see any signs of improvement. We have spoke to each other several times, but always it results into a quarrelling situation. As usual my wife will start crying over the past, as if she is obssessed with the past problems. I am very much fed up. Can you please help me on this.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

From what you describe it sounds like your past is holding a lot of resentment and bitterness within her and is unable to get over the past. The negative feelings are no doubt eating away at her and this leads to quarrels over the past even though it has been several years now.

Anti-depressant medication such as Zoloft can be helpful to a certain extent but at it's core the issue and the unresolved conflict needs to be addressed and the feelings it aroused needs to be processed so that your wife can let go of it and move on. Medication can be provide symptomatic relief not solve the core issue.

That is why I will recommend that your wife consult with a psychotherapist. A psychoanalytic psychotherapist will be most helpful because he/she would be able to work with your wife to go into her past and bring to surface the repressed memories and feelings and then address them and help your wife to process them.

Alternately, you can consider couple's therapy with your wife where the two of you will meet with a therapist weekly to discuss this issue and work with each other and the therapist to address the past and eventually let it go.

Both you and your wife needs to understand that buried bitterness and resentment of what has already happened cannot help, it can only lead to more bitterness and resentment. Both your wife and you need to be willing to address the past and move on only then can treatment (talk therapy) be most effective.

I hope I have been able to provide some perspective.

Please let me know if you have additional questions/thoughts.

Warm regards,

Arundhati and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you