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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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My husband and are have been separated twice. I asked him to

Customer Question

My husband and are have been separated twice. I asked him to move out two weeks ago since then he has sent me text messages about not wanting to live; today about moving far far away to get better or to "cashing everything in" He pretty much drinks everyday; has lost all control over his finances and is living with a friend. He proposed of coming back and live as lovers but raise the kids together I said no.
He left a loaded gun at our house and today he as insisted and insisted that I give it to him because he needs money desperately and wants to sell it.
I said no; you can borrow money but I will not give you the gun back.
I don't know if I need to report this and to whom.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.

Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

I would talk to the police about your husband. They may act alone or consult the physicians at the local psychiatric inpatient unit, about trying to get him in to treatment or rehab. You can and should make this report because you have what is called a 'reasonable suspicion' that he may be a danger to himself or others. You don't need hard evidence or proof that he intends to hurt or kill himself, but the laws state that you need to act based on an honest, reasonable suspicion or concern. The police may do nothing, but they may at least pay him a visit to check up on him.

I can tell you that you have done everything 100% correctly. You cannot allow him to manipulate you emotionally through suicide threats. In the event of suicide 'talk' or threat, you continue to do what you know is best---just tell him that if you feel he needs to be made safe, you will help him make an appointment immediately to talk to someone (a psychologist who has expertise in mood disorders), or you will call an ambulance for him and he can go to the hospital for observation. Tell him that in no way do you want to see him lose his life, but you cannot give him the help he needs---which is help and support for his serious, clinical depression.

You may go so far as contact the friend he is living with, alerting them to the need to try to coax him in to see a clinical or counseling psychologist immediately, or a therapist at the behavioral health unit of the local hospital---for an evaluation.

He should not see his kids while drinking or drunk, of course. Again, you were very wise in setting the limit that he cannot come back and be 'lovers' and help raise the kids right now. You can emphasize that you truly hope he will never hurt or kill himself, because his kids do need a dad---but they need to see their dad get well and recover from his depression and other problems.

And, you need to unload the gun and get it out of the house altogether---have a friend keep it or put it in a safe deposit box at a bank. So here too, you did the ideal thing---refuse to give him the gun and offer him some money for it instead.

What do you think?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much for your response. It really helps.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
Very good. You are obviously smart, intelligent and have good 'intuition' about this situation.; Please let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your question. I realize this is a complex and emotionally difficult situation. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
My customer roster shows that this question has been 'timed out'. If you would like to provide a response to my last post, please feel free to do so. Alternatively, please hit the green Accept button at the bottom of this screen so I may receive credit for answering this question. Thanks.