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mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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How do I deal with other Peoples anger?

Resolved Question:

How do I deal with other Peoples anger?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 6 years ago.

Good evening. First let say that I am truly sorry to hear of the difficulty that you are experiencing with others' anger. It's never an easy thing to contend with others' anger and the things you have tried are perfectly appropriate and are often the best course of action...however, when confronted with an angry person they often follow you if you try and leave the room or speak over you and yell louder when speaking with caution.

The suggestions I have are based on crisis intervention theory and are clinically documented to be helpful. My first suggestion would be to to use a method called "active listening" which is essentially communicating to the person that you appreciate that they are angry and acknowledge the reasons behind it...even if they are unfounded. What this has a tendency to do is to calm them down long enough to try to gain a rational conversation.

If the effect of that approach is minimal then the next would be to stand your ground and speak in a non-confrontational but authoritative voice and express your concern with regards ***** ***** anger...that it's unfair that they take it out on you and that you want to be able to help and listen to them but it would be impossible to do so with them in this state. This also will help as individuals who are angry often expect others to just back down and let them yell and scream...someone who challenges the anger...respectfully ***** ***** while acknowledging it to them....they tend to have a more positive response.

I would suggest starting with these techniques and approaches and hopefully you will find them to be helpful and useful in dealing with an angry person. If you have any further questions or would like to offer specific examples that I can help with please do so.

Please let me know if you have any further questions that I can help in answering for you.

If you feel that I've answered your question to your satisfaction then I would greatly appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer and suggestions I've provided to you. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have tried these. it seem any resistence just makes it worse. as the volume goes up the listening goes down.
Expert:  mindhealer replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for your response. That sounds rather typical unfortunately. I would explaining to the person when they are calm that when they get into a state of anger such as you mentioned that your plan is to leave and come back once they have settled themselves down.

I would also suggest that you not make this an empty threat but to follow up on it each and every time....this way it gets your point across and they will start to appreciate the consistency and that you are standing your ground. Please let me know your thoughts and if you have any further questions.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
This is the love of my life! I can't change her. How can I accept it and be happy? I don't want to walk away.
Expert:  mindhealer replied 6 years ago.

I would strongly suggest couples therapy....she may not likely be receptive to that and if she is not then I would suggest getting into individual therapy for yourself to help you manage and cope with the situation. She sounds to have a significant anger problem which has nothing to do with you though is clearly projecting all her anger and frustration toward you which is completely unfair.

I appreciate the fact that you don't want to walk away which is why I'm suggesting therapy to help you cope better with the situation. I wish I could offer you more advice on how to handle the situation better but what I've suggested are the best approaches to take. In all honesty she needs an anger management specialist...if she agrees to couples therapy then the therapist would be able to bring it up to her.

I wish I could offer you more. Please let me know your thoughts on the suggestions I've offered.

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