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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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Family who adopted a girl from South America 4 years ago,

Resolved Question:

Family who adopted a girl from South America 4 years ago, have recently given birth to natural son. Adopted daughter no longer exists in their lives. She is no longer a 'member of their family' This years holiday card showed a lovely family photo less the adopted child. How heartbreaking. It has gone so far that they are making plans to return the child to the orphanage in So America or a boarding school here in the States. We are so guarded in our words to them as we do not want to lose complete contact with this child and fear that would happen if we stepped in. The few friends we have in common all agree that this now 13 year old girl will be forever damaged if they continue down this path. We've offered, support, time, even taking her for extended periods of time. Mothers just wants her gone permanently. Mother is now trying to justify her decision by claiming child has mental issues and she fears for the safety of their newborn. My 25 year old daughter nannied for them for 3 y
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

What a sad story. Do you see any evidence at all of mental health issues with this child? Was this mother and father loving to the child, before the newborn had arrived?

It sounds like your daughter still has contact with the young girl, is that still happening?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No we've seen NO mental issues with this child. Perhaps she seems distant from parents - especially mother, who I never did see any show outward signs of affection displayed from the begining. Always felt this child was more of a house and animal keeper than a wanted daughter. She rises 3 hours early to care for all of their animals and beleive me there are MANY horses, dogs, llama's and foul, Then upon returning from school she is the housekeeper, does her homework by herself, prepares her own meals cleans up and this must all be done and in bed before parent's come home from work she must be in bed at 7:30 - so they have no daily contact with her. She loved my daughter to nanny as they prepared meals and ate together! She thought this was such a treat!

Yes, my daughter is still in contact with her. My daughter is employed full time now and it's not as easy to find the time but does take her for an afterschool outing when parents allow and time permits.
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Thanks for the additional information.

Would you be willing to adopt her?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm 56 years old. my husband and I have done exchange student's, foster children and cared for other kids for years - But nothing as far as adoption. Does that sound selfish?

A mutual friend of this family (single woman) - who has now limited her time spent with parents, continues to take this little girl most weekends, has offered to take her for a year or ? This was an option that was left on the table with the parents. I offered this friend our assistance for help when she's called away from home for periods of time. We would commit to being there when ever needed. I'm still afraid the mother just wants 'complete' rid of this child and permanently and the further away the better.
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Okay thanks for the info. No, you are not selfish at all, quite the opposite! You have cared in many meaningful ways to children over the years. That is what is important.

I only asked b/c if you were willing, then you could perhaps speak to someone about that possibility. Otherwise, I think that the mutual friend is a good idea with you to offer to help as well, when needed etc. Also, it may be more difficult than one thinks for this mother to just send this girl back to South Africa, after all of these years. I would think that the potential psychological harm this could cause for the young girl would be a factor and could be raised if needed.

Maybe if these parents felt the girl could stay with this mutual friend and they didn't have to continue to be involved with her, that would make them more likely to say yes. There is no easy answer here, when dealing with parents who are this selfish. If they are going to try to send her back due to saying she is a threat to the baby, that will need to be proven with evidence, etc.

I would encourage you to call this organization and ask them how to proceed with this issue and what can be done, etc. to keep this girl here and with someone who truly loves and has her best interest at heart. Please click ACCEPT button for this information, otherwise I'm not credited for my help today. Feel free to continue to discuss this with me if needed, even after clicking ACCEPT, Thank you!

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