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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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what are the causes of commitment phobia in men I have read

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what are the causes of commitment phobia in men? I have read that it can be caused by parents seperation and divorce. But, my boyfirned's parents ( who suffer from the phobia) seems to have a good relationships. But , my BF mentioned briefly that his mom may suffered from despression when he was younger.

Hello and thank you for your question.


Yes, it can be caused by a painful loss in childhood, such as a divorce. Where the child loses someone to whom they had a deep connection. But this is not the reason in your boyfriend's situation. There are other reasons as well. Having been betrayed by a previous partner (cheated on), some personality disorders have fear of commitment (avoidance of intimacy). There can be where someone feels like they are becoming smothered in the relationship, where they feel like they must get away to feel at ease again. And then the cycle repeats itself, where once they get that freedom, they then want the person back etc. His mom's depression may or may not have anything to do with it, unless he felt abandoned by her, when she was depressed. That could lead him to be fearful of getting really close to someone, and then that person leaving him emotionally for example.

There are many reasons, what is important is that he uncovers what is his own personal reason. Counseling could be really effective for him to get to the root of this problem for him and I would encourage that you suggest that to him. This is not something that you can fix, but that he must do for himself. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer. Thank you.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for your answer. He is ambivilant to recieve therapy. He stated that he may not be ready now, but he admitts that he has serious issues regarding commitment. Last Q, How along the process of therapy takes? meds?

That's actually really promising and an encouraging sign for him to admit that he does have these issues. That is often half the battle right there.

Typically medication is not involved, unless he also has some depression or anxiety etc.

that also needs to be treated.


Therapy would often be cognitive behavioral (where his thoughts affect his behaviors) and the process doesn't need to be really long, especially if he stays the course, in therapy etc. I can't give you an exact time frame but it could be a matter of weeks to months, with once a week therapy. Doesn't need to be years for this. Please click ACCEPT. Thank you!

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