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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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My husband is a worrier. Thankfully we don't have a lot to

Resolved Question:

My husband is a worrier. Thankfully we don't have a lot to worry about, but right now we are trying to sell a house that we just found out has Chinese Drywall and the potential buyers want out of the contract. When he worries, he takes it out on its my fault. I'm patient and try to focus on the fact that he is stressed and lay low. How can I get him to recognize his behavior and work on changing it?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

Can you tell me, when your husband gets worried like this, how long does his quietness and lack of attention last? How often would you say he worries over things?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

The last time was 8 months ago when we were traveling around Italy. He doesn't like being in situations where he isn't in control.....language barrier and days that we moved from city to city were stressful for him. We were on vacation, so it only lasted until he was settled again. We have had this house for sale for a year and now we have this issue where we are going to have to go through litigation, where again the outcome will be determined by someone else....its out of his control. He doesn't act out over trivial things. The house situation will determine whether I have to go back to work, which he views as letting me down.

Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Okay thanks for the additional information.

It seems that your husband's behavior isn't all that unreasonable. He doesn't act out over trivial things, and it's "normal" to worry about litigation, a home sale not going through, Chinese drywall, etc. Lots of people also get stressed when traveling abroad etc. That being said, what I would recommend is that you reassure him that if you do go back to work, that it's not letting you down and that you are fine with contributing financially (assuming that you are). Also, when he is stressed out, do allow him space to just worry and figure things out on his own. Asking him to talk about it, etc. may be counterproductive as men typically like to go in their "cave" when confronted with a problem and just sort things through in his own mind. If he can go into that place, undisturbed than he will come out sooner and be with you again, more like himself. What also can help someone who is prone to worry, is to tell him "okay, let's imagine the worst case scenario of what could happen, and then have a plan for that." This way, the worst fear already has a solution, if that should occur. Let him know that you two are a team and that together, you can come up with a solution and then execute it, if needed. Let him know that he is not letting you down, that you can work through whatever the problem is, and give him some time to just stress about it to himself.

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