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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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This has a 4-5 part question, but I will just start off with

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This has a 4-5 part question, but I will just start off with the first.... During the 1st 18 months of my life, I was moved around thru hundreds of baby sitters. I was eventually adopted by my aunt's and her new husband when I was 18 months old.
Thru treatment, I was able thru hypnosis to see and feel being in a closet with no lights and times with lights. ( unknown if door was locked or not ).
There has always been a deep seated question in my mind if I was abused in some way or another. Possible sexually as well as physically and emotionally. I was told by my natural mother as well as my adopted mother, that I seemed to be afraid of males. This was until I first meet my adopted father.
Is it possible that I was abused sexually by a male during those 18 months?
My adopted father was a minister and when I was about 4-6 yrs old, he was accused of sexual abuse with one of the children in his church. We moved from that area, but just recently some memory's came to light and thoughts that possible he also molested me also. I feel that he was part of my being in a closet, but have never been able to put a face on the figure.
I am now also wondering if these may have been causes of my own personal life with friends, commitments, relationships? I can see some possible relation in parallel with all this.
I would appreciate your feed back and any questions you might need to ask for clarification.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

Often, memory is a very tricky thing to deal with. If you can recall a simple but clear memory of a place from your childhood and you go back to that same place now as an adult, it will look different than you can recall. You can also ask several people about one incident that they witnessed together and you will get several different accounts of what happened. They will be similar in some aspects, but completely different in others.

That is why it is hard for you to recall for sure what happened to you as a child. Children often filtered what happens to them, and their recall is different because they do not have the understanding that adults do in a situation.

Studies in Psychology have shown that accurate recall of memories, especially of abuse, occur so infrequently that it is unreliable. Often, you will see children repress memories of abuse more often that not. They forget entire sections of their lives. It is the way their brains cope with the trauma.

You could very well be making life choices based on any trauma you experienced as a child. But if you really look at it, most people make life choices on experiences, thoughts and beliefs they developed in childhood. There is no real reason you can pinpoint for example why someone chooses orange juice over apple juice in any given day. Maybe because their mother gave them apple juice every day for 15 years, or it could be because they never got apple juice. Or they saw someone else get it and they always wanted it.

The reason you choose how you do is probably a mix of childhood experiences and personal preferences. You had a personality when you were born and how that personality was shaped came from your experiences. It lets you take your experiences and make them work for you.

If you have reasons that you believe you were abused, then you may very well might have been. Remembering it may be very difficult. But what you can do now is decide what you believe then go with it. Unless you are making harmful choices or are doing something you feel is unhealthy or harmful to others, there really is no reason to change who you are.

It is great that you are in therapy and getting a professionals objective insights into your situation. Guidance and support are important now, especially if you feel you were abused in your childhood.

I hope this has helped you,


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