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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My husband of 30 years had a 6 week over the phone relationship

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My husband of 30 years had a 6 week over the phone relationship w/a co-worker, we are trying to work things out but I am very confused. He said he is avoiding her intentionally, but could still have feelings - what do I do? He said I was not hearing what he had to say about our relationship and where it was heading. He also sees her on a daily basis which in turn creates questions on my part, he doesn't want to talk about it.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like you have good reason to be suspicious. He is not willing to talk about this? That is exactly what should be happening. You both need to talk about this and not just about your feelings about him possibly still having feelings for this woman. Here are some things that need to be dealt with:


One, is your husband sorry for what he did? This is important, because if he does not take responsibility, recovering your marriage will be difficult.

Two, has your husband stopped all contact with this other person? He must do so as a first step to regaining your trust.

Three, has he done anything to start repairing the marriage?

Four, are the two of you talking about what happened? Your husband needs to be open and honest about what he did and let you ask any questions you need to. He broke the marriage vows and dragged you into another relationship. He needs to own up to it. That does not mean that you ask him about his feelings for this person. It means he takes responsibility then the two of you start moving forward towards recovery.

These are some of the most important issues you both need to be working on. Talk with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. If you attend church, talk with your pastor. Pastors are often very good marriage counselors. Also, if you have problems affording therapy, try your local community mental health center. They can offer therapy on a sliding scale fee system. You can also search on line at

The main issue is to rebuild trust. It can take a while and a lot of work, but you can do it as long as you both are motivated.

There are some books that may help you. One is called Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman. Another is Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli. You can find these both on or your local library may have them.


I hope this helped you,

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