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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My husband is withholding any type of affection from me

Resolved Question:

lt;p>My husband is withholding any type of affection from me because I will not work at our business. I work a full time job and take care of a 4000 square foot home and do all of the cooking, laundry and cleaning. Plus taking care of our 6 animals. He yells at me when I try to help at the business and tells me if he has to show me how to do stuff, he may as well do it himself. Am I wrong to feel that he is doing me wrong?</p><p>I also need to tell you that he stopped kissing me when we got married and has not taken care of me sexually since the summer of 2003.  He complained that I took too long to finish and would not do anything that I wanted.  For the last 7 years our sex life has been limited to him getting on and off and he does not know why that doesn't do it for me.   It is just over the last 4 months that he has decided that he is going to withhold affection from me. (No hugging or getting close to me in bed is about all I got anyway_  Now he won't even touch feet in bed.   He says it is because I won't help at the business and that he has a "chip" on his shoulder against me.</p>
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your husband is being emotionally abusive. Withholding affection, yelling at you about your abilities, and criticizing you is abuse. Anytime you feel worse about yourself when you are with a person because of what they say or do, it is usually abuse.

You have some choices here. You can tell your husband that you both need to see a therapist. If he will not go, go yourself. You need the support right now and you also need to decide if you want to stay in the marriage.

Two, you can leave the marriage. This is not the ideal answer, but since you are suffering abuse, it may be the only answer, especially if your husband is not willing to see his actions as a problem.

Here is an excellent website that helps abuse victims. It is at http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

You can contact the Domestic Abuse hotline at 1.***-***-****. They can help you immediately if you feel you are being abused. They are available 24 hours a day.

It is important that you understand that you are not at fault. Often, abuse victims suffer from poor self esteem. Rebuilding your self esteem is important. If you have any trusted friends and family, talk with them about your situation. Building support is important right now so when you do make a choice about your marriage, you can feel stronger following through.

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

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