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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband and I are going through what we feel is Parental

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My husband and I are going through what we feel is Parental Alienation with his ex wife. We have tried to address this with her and recently with our childrens counselor-therapist. The ex wife lies and says she has never said a bad word about us a day in her life. (the children say different and have since they were toddlers) I find this to be funny because my husband have dedicated our hearts to never say defamitory things about his ex and feel week succeed 99% of the time but know we ourselves aren't perfect. She tells the children that thier dad abandoned them. Didn't love them enough to stay married to her. That he is careless. Has loud conversastions with her family when the children just go to sleep so they hear here. She also does this wier act when she is on the phone with my husband. Whenever anyone (i.e. the children, her family or friends)comes into the room when she is speaking with my husband she starts screaming and crying and acting like he is being abusive. Whi
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. How devastating!!!!!!! I am so terribly sorry to hear this.

There is an organization that I am a member of that deals with Parental Alienation. It is headquartered in Toronto, but is a global organization. It was started by a dad who was alienated from his children. Joseph Goldberg. I will look up the exact contact information and get right back to you.

This organization provides assistance to adults and children who are

dealing with problems that relate to "Parental Alienation."
I think your husband should contact this organization. You can let them know that I recommended him so that they will provide him with whatever information he needs. What steps to take to regain his parenthood. Parental alienation is a form of parental child abuse. It must be stopped. This organization will help in what steps to take.

I was able to contact Joe Goldberg. Here is the contact information: Also,here is a copy of his e-mail to me.

Hi Shirley,
How are things up in freezing NY ? I am down at my
winter residence in Orlando until May. Let me leave you my number at home
it goes with me where ever I travel, its(###) ###-#### If you want to refer any
one to me please ask them to call me and mention your name. I will away
from my office tomorrow until Sunday night because I am having dinner with
my daughter ( her 21st ) and she lives in Boca Raton. Imagine, this was a child that was severely alienated from me not that long ago. FYI
My website for GOLDBERG & ASSOCIATES is
And of course the website for The Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation
Syndrome is
With Kind Regards,
Joe Goldberg


Hope your husband finds the success that Joe Goldberg did.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I appreciate the information you shared. I know my husband and I will look into it. Part of my question was cut off and I believe it is important. The children recently started seeing a therapist. My husband was very scared to agree to this because of the lies and manipulation that has been going on for years. He finally agreed and just a few short sessions in it was evident that the counselor did not believe in PAS and told us that we were wrong to be worried. She has brushed off all concerns about PAS and says that we should be thankful she is a good mother. ( In many accounts she is.) His daughter seems to be worse for wear lately and we feel the abuse is only getting more intense with time. We don't trust the counselor and in fact we are scared of the relationship that she seems to have with the mother. What can we do if we are worried that the counselor is only antagonizing the situation and buying into all of the lies and manipulation. It seems to make the situation feel even more hopeless. If you could give us some ideas on what to do about the counselor that would be great. Just to confirm? It is not something we should just hope goes away? We have been made to feel like we are the trouble starters for bringing this up. I appreciate the ealier info and will accept. Any additional information or advice is appreciated.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I seem to be having problems with the internet. I apologize for any inconvience. I will accept your answer. If you could let me know your thoughts about our progress with our childrens counselor it would be appreciated.

Thanks for you help.

Oh, my goodness! I can't tell you how often I see this. So many therapists are poorly trained --- hang out a shingle and reak havoc.
Not an easy situation. Does your husband have equal say over choosing a counselor? What was the divorce custody arrangement? If he does have equal say--- get rid of this therapist. If he doesn't, he should consult his divorce attorney and see what he says about a situation like that --- i.e., about parental decisions about important issues.
I would be glad to help find someone else but,of course, it is complicated because his ex-wife will veto anything that she doesn't want to go along with.
As I said, above, check out those things that I wrote above. We can still continue even though you accepted. We will continueas long as you have more to ask. Do not worry.