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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My girlfriend has been in an emotional (she tells me not

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My girlfriend has been in an emotional (she tells me not physical) affair for about 9 months (we have been together almost 7 years). She says she wants us to stay together and that she still loves me, I don't know I could ever forget what this feels like. How do I get over this?
We have had some communication issues in the past but have been working on it. Last summer we went on vacation and we both saw it as a chance to reconnect. It turns out she was in regular contact with the other guy. I saw some of the messages that she sent and they talked about how much she loved him. One even mentioned she had thought of leaving me to be with him.
I'm very confused about the whole thing and just need a little advice
Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this issue. The bot***** *****ne in this situation is that you are in a relationship that has betrayed your trust not just once but over a period of time when there were many missed opportunities for her to discuss this with you. Therefore, the foundation of your relationship is severely fractured.

Bill :

Anytime there is a triangle there is someone that is going to be deeply hurt ( in this case it is you ). Her behavior suggests a lack of honor for your relationship and the fact that she has moved to a friends to give you some time furthers my belief that this relationship may be fractured to the point where repair may not be possible.

Bill :

Once a couple separates, there is less than 10% chance that the issues which caused the break will successfully be resolved.

Bill :

In working with couple for 30 years, what you describe is not uncommon, however, the efforts to repair the issues are almost impossible, particularly is you are not married and have no children to complicate the issue.

Bill :

Here is an interesting an informative article that will help you understand:

Bill :

If you have further questions , please reply

Bill :

Otherwise, I wish you the best at this difficult time.

Bill :

Bill

Bill :

PLEASE CLICK ACCEPT

Hi- As you were off line- I answered above.
Best, Bill
PLEASE CLICK ACCEPT
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for your help. This is my first time here so I'm not sure how it all works. I was hoping for a quick follow up question. I will definitely accept, your advice is appreciated. Is it normal to blame yourself in these circumstances? I know rationally it was her choice but... I feel like maybe if I did things better she wouldn't have done this. I guess what I'm asking is do people often feel this way when their partner has strayed?
Thanks again for your help!!
Hi- It is quite normal to blame oneself in these situations as it helps absorb the shock of such a revelation. Because you have feelings for her and don't want to believe that you have been deceived, it is natural to look at self with feelings of guilt and responsibility. Of course, relationships drift for a variety of reasons but in a healthy relationship, each person has an obligation to confront issues honestly and openly. In this situation, you were betrayed and it hurts like hell but it is probably best to move on and chalk this up to life experience.
Here are the healthy traits you want in a relationship:
LINK: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/traits-of-a-healthy-relationship.html
Best, Bill
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Best, Bill