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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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I met a lady at work whom ive fallen in love with.which is

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I met a lady at work whom i've fallen in love with.which is good.The not so good part is that she's been married over ten years to her husband.when ever we're at work together she ask me to walk her to her car and she begins to hug me and kiss me,but not on the mouth.she tells me she wishes she'd met me first and the hugs and kisses continue.almost an hour goes by before she actually drives off.within that hour she tells me she's never had feelings for anyone but her husband til she met me.she asked me if its possible to be in love with two people at the same time.i can't answer that question.what i do know is that i've fallen in love with her and that may not be a good thing.I've been in two long relationships in the past one lasting 8 years the other 5 years and i swear,i have received more hugs and kisses from her in the past few months than i did from both those other relationships combined.I actually feel loved when i'm with her.she's shown me more love in just a short period in time than all the others put together.she's tells me,that she's worried that it may go too i tell her much to my dismay,that maybe we should just stop and her response is don't be stupid.HELP!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 6 years ago.

You may not like the answer, but the best practice here is to listen to your instincts that tell you to stop this relationship. She is far from ready for a relationship and is still in major emotional conflict. (She is contemplating if she can love two people simultaneously and is "worried about this going to far". Neither is a good sign.) The emotions of your situation are driving her to not want to stop, true, but the simple truth is that she is not ready to make a choice.


You, and she, are at serious risk of being hurt. I know you have strong feelings for her; but the best recourse is to set some defined boundaries. If she decides to leave her husband, then you have a definite answer and can consider pursuing her. But, as it is....this is dangerous and will most likely lead to much emotional pain and trauma.


If you love her, wait on her, She is just not ready to make this level of decision. She may in time, but she needs space to think it through.


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