Hello Darrel, my name is XXXXX XXXXX you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...concerning your relationships..and I truly feel for you in this a most difficult, stressful time for you..
I have read your post very carefully, thank you..and the first thing that 'jumped' out at me was that of your present bride to be in a weeks time...who sounds like a lovely, caring, and very sensible girl...( only gauging this from your post) ..but!! and there is a big but! you aren't in ' love with her.'
I can't help feeling that underneath all the emotional kayos that is going on for you right now (i.e. up and coming wedding, feelings of panic
, dread, pressure, thoughts about this other young girl, pieces of your life puzzle missing, a great sense of urgency..)..that I want you to sit down and ask yourself a few very
important questions right now, ' do I really want to marry this girl..or do I feel pressured by my mates/others to get married, because its the right thing to do at my age? and or ' do I need more time to feel right about this marriage going ahead"? "would I continue to see this younger girl if I am married, and if I did
what would I be telling myself?" How do I view marriage..."? Do I really want to give up my freedom as a single guy in less than a weeks time ?" 'Am I ready ?"
Its great that you have had such a full and adventurous life and that doesn't have to stop once you're married, it just takes a different turn (true love & commitment)...and 'with the 'right' woman ( one who meets all
your needs) and most of all one you love!
! a full commitment would come naturally to you as would a fulfilling and joyful life together...
I certainly don't mean to shake up your wedding plans for the near future..but, this is a very important step /decision that you will be making and it well deserves more time to work through your underlying issues..thoughts/.fears/ hesitations...
Perhaps, now is a good time to make an appointment with a therapist who 'specializes in CBT..'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/Therapist..he/she would help you work with your behaviors via in and through your thinking patterns.I truly think that this would benefit you greatly right now ( and be the best investment of your life)..as I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you have tried great self control in this for some time ..so it might be time to seek professional help to help you fit all' the pieces of your life back together in the right order..
I do sense an underlaying fear of commitment' so there might well be trust issues to sort out also on another level..and suspect this way of thinking, being and behavior is tied up with your upbringing and what you are telling yourself on a more subconscious level...I'll leave it with you Darrel...I'm sorry its not a quick fix.. but its going to involve time..take the pressure off yourself and give yourself the time you really need ..because it would be time 'well' spent...to avoid any painful and drastic mistakes..
My thoughts 'are' with you in this ..a most difficult time for you ..please take good care..and if this has been of help to you then please 'accept' my response as it also helps to keep this valuable service going for you and others in the future...
the very best of all' things
Karyn J (ProfclinicalDipCouBMin)