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Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My son is 24. He is tall and good looking, but he can't see

Resolved Question:

My son is 24. He is tall and good looking, but he can't see that. He says he hates his body and won.t even have a shower because he hates the sight of his nakedness. He will only bath when I fill the bath for him.
I don't think he is Gay as such but he has very feminine behaviours and I get the feeling that he wishes he had been a female. He is very androgynous in style.
We think that he may also have aspergers as he is very emotionally disconnected and lives in his own world of Sex and the City and Loose Women, and I think he feels he would like that to be his own life.
I need advise about how I may help him accept the real world and where we must go for help.
When we try to address this with him he has terrible tantrums and argument with us and the retreats into his own world again.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Sarah replied 6 years ago.
Sarah : Hi there,
Expert:  Sarah replied 6 years ago.
Sorry, it looks as if I wasn't saying much, but here I am. I have some info for you for you to look into. Have you looked at body dysmorphia - I have a website for you - You would need to have a read and see if you think this may be relevant for your son. There is much more info and help on these sites, so if this sounds relevant, they may be a source of support.
Alternatively, maybe your son's dislike of his body is because he is androgynous and perhaps in this world of males and females, he feels that he cannot fit in, which is what most young people want and need, order to feel good about themselves. Maybe Everywhere he looks, he simply doesn't fit. In which case, I would suggest that he uses the Internet to seek support from sites that are written for and by androgynous men. This will give him a place where he can see that he is not alone, that other men can be positive and happy with the androgynous body that they have and perhaps over time, that he can be happy with his body too. I suspect you have already told m that women love all types of men, that some like fat and some like thin, some prefer masculine men and others prefer the feminine type of man who can perhaps understand a woman better than other men. This site
may help your son to find who he is, or maybe who he is not. It sounds as if he needs to be in a space where he is loved for who he is, so maybe you can help with this. I understand that he needs a bath, but perhaps what he needs to hear is that you love him whether he has had a bath or not. Ignore how he looks and spend some time with him without doing the mum nagging thing (I totally understand where you are coming from, but try this just for a while). It's difficult to help anyone who doesn't feel that they need help, so try and be on his side. When he realises just how stinky he has got, he will have a bath on his own accord, because he wants to.
If you suspect that your son has been bullied or tormented previously about his body (or anything in fact) it might be worth trying to find an EMDR therapist who can help him to let go of the emotion that may still be held in his subconscious mind about his own self worth. EMDR is a trauma therapy and you can find more info and a therapist local to you at A trauma does not need to be enormous to affect someone fro many years - being called names when you are unsure about yourself can cause deep and long lasting damage. Even if your son cannot think of times where he has been teased, if he holds strong, negative beliefs about himself, then EMDR could help him to move forward. Obviously this is really difficult if he doesn't want to seek help. There is a therapy site online, where your son could get involved in therapy with a therapist of his own choice in the comfort of his own bedroom (if he has a computer in there). He might find this a more acceptable place to start. Please feel free to reply, or press the accept button if this answer has a been valuable to you and your son. With best wishes, Sarah
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Sarah replied 6 years ago.
Hi there,
I am wondering if this answer was valuable for you and your son? Please feel free to reply or to press the accept button if you are happy with my thoughts. This is the only way we get paid for our work on ts site.
With best wishes, Sarah