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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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My wife got extremely upset with me because I was too tired

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My wife got extremely upset with me because I was too tired to go out with friends that other night because I had just got home from work and it was one of those last minute requests. She didn't talk to me for two days and then on Sunday she started screaming at me about cheating on her when we were dating 37 years ago (We have been married now for 35 years). Anyway, she had a hyterectomy about 5 years ago and I suspect it may have been a hormonal imbalance. I was really scared and thought she may hurt herself, or me. She was crying all the time. After awhile I explained that this was 37 years ago and I change when we got engaged, and I had told her all about my past before I had asked her to marry me. She eventually calmed down, but what do I do in siturations like this?Is there something I should have done, or is there any over the counter medication that I could have given here? She was hysterical and I was ready to take her to the emergency room. This was not the first time she go really mad and brought up my past, but this was the worst time.

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear what you experienced with your wife. It sounds like she went through a quite consuming bout of tremendous anger. You have a point, it could be a symptom of hormonal imbalances. I think you handled the situation very well by being calm and reassuring.

I would encourage you to bring this issue up when she's in a calm and good mood and without putting her on the defensive make the honest observation that you haven't seen her so anger in these 37 years - and generally wonder aloud if this could be the symptom of any hormonal imbalances. You can then tell her that you're not discouraging her from expressing herself, but you would like to be able to work out differences in opinions in a calmer way without either person becoming so angry or emotional as it negatively impacts the other person. In this way, on the one hand you need to offer her support and reassurance to address this and on the other hand you need to set boundaries that such behavior is not ok.

If she's not in therapy, you can encourage her to consider therapy - because there could be emotional upheavals she's going through as a result of the hormonal imbalances, and being able to speak to a professional on a weekly basis will provide a safe outlet for exploring and addressing this anger and other issues.

I hope this was helpful. Please do let me know if you have any questions/thoughts based on what I wrote.

Kind regards,

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