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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My adopted son is 18, just graduated from a boarding school

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My adopted son is 18, just graduated from a boarding school and can't decide what to do next. We live in a rural community with few job opportunities and for some reason, he refuses to get his drivers license. We gave him until Christmas to figure out what he wants to do and he made a few half-efforts at enlisting. He has been diagnoised ADHD, ODD, high functioning autistic. He is disrepectful of us, our rules, & our house, stays gone for days, won't help when at home, has few friends and is angry all the time. We had decided to evict him from the house, but are afraid he will be angry enough to break in. Any advise for our next step?

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds as if you have done a lot to help your son, including the rules and boundaries you have created for him. All children need to know there are limits to their behavior and those limits should start at home, just as you have done.

I understand your need to have him leave your home with the behavior problems he has manifested. If he does not follow the rules and he is an adult, it is time for him to be responsible for himself and his own behavior.

You should change the locks on your home and do not let him have access to your keys. Do not leave any outside for him to look for either. If he attempts to break in, contact the police immediately. If he is angry and is willing to try to break into your home, then he may also be willing to physically attack you as well. Let him know that you will call for help if he attempts to break in to your home. That way, he will think twice about his behavior.

You have done the best thing possible in this situation which is set rules and stick by them. He has two choices, he can either obey the rules, change his behavior and be allowed to participate with family events, or he can ignore the rules and act out. In that case, he will need to accept the consequences. Hopefully, he will have enough insight to follow the rules and change his behavior.

I hope this has helped you,


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