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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I recently saw a counsillor who was no use at all. I am a

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I recently saw a counsillor who was no use at all. I am a controlling person, I don't know why. It affects every relationship I have as I can't let anyone really close and my controlling ways destroy everything as I manipulate people to do things my way and then when they are the person I want, I don't want them because they are too compliant and I can then walk all over them. I am so unhappy and really want to know how to change this. I am 38 years old, married but seperated and have 3 children. I have always been in a hetrosexual relationship until a year ago when I met a woman and (think) I fell in love with her. I get angry and make myself unhappy and we finished with a big fight, mainly me attacking her, on christmas night. I am medication, manerix, for depression and have, in the past taken an overdose before my children where born. I feel my kids keep me here and have so many days where I feel so worthless. I wonder what will happen when they leave home and I am left on my own because I wouldn't let anyone love me. Please could you advise? I really don't know what to do. My GP just issues medication and when I am at a real low there is noone available to show how I am feeling too.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like from what you said that you might be dealing with at least two different problems here. One I believe is depression, for which you stated you are already taking medication. And two may be a personality disorder. This is a secondary diagnosis that affects how you relate to others and your interactions with them.

You mentioned that you saw a counselor that you felt was useless. Is there a chance you would consider finding and seeing another therapist? Therapists are much like regular doctors, you often need to see a few before you can find one you feel would be able to help you.

Why I recommend another therapist is that you would benefit from a full evaluation to find out what type of depression you have and if you do indeed have a personality disorder diagnosis. Finding out what you have is again much like going to a regular doctor, they cannot treat you if they do not know what you have.

When someone attempts to control others, it can be from either anger issues or anxiety issues. Depending on your background, childhood issues and other factors, either one could be the reason behind how you feel and interact with others. Not feeling loved is probably also a part of your history.

You can work on these issues and be able to redirect your behavior to healthier ways of coping. You have already taken the first step by asking for help. Also, you seem to have good insight into your issues and a willingness to address them. These are good indicators that you can get better.

I'd like to recommend some books that may help you. One is called Getting Your Life Back: The Complete Guide to Recovery from Depression by Jesse Wright and Monica Ramirez Basco. Another is Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship by Jeffrey Bernstein and Susan Magee. These can be found on or your local library may have them available.

I hope this has helped you,


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your reply Kate. I certainly would like to see another therapist but I aren't sure where to start? Do google therapists, psychologist or other in my area? How much am I likely to pay for this treatment as I am sick of trying to get somewhere with the NHS. Ironically, the girl I was in a relationship with, works for the Mental Health Service and it was through her I accessed a service called Single Point of Access. I made a self referal and received 5 weeks out of 6. Couldn't make the last appointment and they never bothered contacting me to reschedule.

You could Google therapists in your area, but a better method (if you feel comfortable with this) is to ask around for recommendations. You could also contact the local University. If they have a Psychology program, they will have either staff or graduate students who have private practices (and they could cost less because the grad students need the credit). Also, if you like your regular doctor, they often have therapists they refer to. Lastly, if you attend church, your pastor may also be able to refer you to someone. They often deal with people who have the need for counseling.


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