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Ask Selah R, M.S. LPC Your Own Question
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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My husband has been contacting 2 different girls for over 2

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my husband has been contacting 2 different girls for over 2 years by phone, typically texting them 45 each a day although this has just reached 89 recently. He text them every day with out fail-the content of these text are never sexual or flurting. I have spent most of my life try to prove to him that i have Never cheated on him- he has strange ideas and makes up since in his head of me. In the last few years he had become very aggressive and unpredictable (he has never harmed me) but whilst driving or nights out together or on the phone to call centres e.t.c. He was not going to tell me about the other girls- i caught him. He said texting them made him feel worth something and needed. Is there a mental disorder which this fits?
Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

In marriage counseling we call this type of behavior "emotional infidelity". It doesn't have to be a symptom of a mental disorder, although it can signal deeper issues.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Sometimes we see this type of behavior in people with low self-esteem, insecurity, social anxiety, or depression. We can also see it in personality disorders such as narcissists who need constant feedback that they are desired, competent, or special.

Customer:

I think there are deeper issues- i work with children with ASD a think i have a good knowledge of "normal"

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Many people rationalize it, or try to make it acceptable behavior, by pointing to the fact that it either isn't sexual in content, or that sex hasn't happened "in real life."

Customer:

He has been take meds for depression for 6 months which he has said has not worked! Um i am sure that there has been no sexual acts taking place

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

But the texting women is still giving him emotional benefits, like an adrenaline or endorphine hit, so the behavior can become addicting.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Is he seeing a psychiatrist or a family doctor for the antidepressants?

Customer:

Family doctor- his family have mental health problems also!

Customer:

I do think that this texting is an addiction!

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

If he's not seeing improvement after 4-6 weeks than the dose or the specific medication may not be right for his symptoms. If he's tried more than one antidepressant with the family doctor, and it has not helped, then it's time to see a specialist. A psychiatrist will be better equipped to look at your husband's symptoms and find the right type of antidepressant or mood stabilizer to help improve the depression and the irritability.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

It very well could be, just like we're seeing addiction to pornography skyrocket, we're seeing addictions to texting, Facebook, and other social media.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

These are all avenues in which they can easily, cheaply, quickly get a "fix" to help their emotions, and in which they can get caught up in the one-dimensional fantasy of a friend/girlfriend/sexual partner who has little if any real demands on them.

Customer:

Ok so i need to take him back to the doctor and explaine the nature of the issues.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

With our spouses we have kids, chores, bills, laundry, and all other kinds of stressful, boring, real life stuff to deal with. With these one dimensional folks it's easy to have a more enjoyable "relationship" because it's not burdened with these routine tasks that real relationships have to carry.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Yes, especially the irritability and if you think that's gotten worse with the antidepressants, as it may indicate that typical antidepressants (or ones in that same family) may actually be making his underlying issues worse.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

The psychiatrist will probably also request blood work to rule out hormonal (testosterone and thyroid especially) issues that can mimic or worsen emotional issues.

Customer:

I think he had not done any of the chores, house job, money issues (we have no kids) for at lest the last 6 months

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Get the meds straightened out, see what changes that brings about, and then if there are still serious issues in your relationship it may be time to call on a marriage counselor to help repair your relationship's foundation.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

But until the meds are working better, therapy is probably going to be more negative and frustrating than helpful right now.

Customer:

Ok thank you for your help- I will go with him (says he cant talk to the Doctor) back to the doctors.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Good, because you can give them more information :-)

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Good luck, and thank you for using Just Answer

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