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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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My son is engaged to a kind, funny,smart and beautiful woman

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My son is engaged to a kind, funny,smart and beautiful woman who will begin her fellowship
in pediatric cardiology in June. Her family is pretty dysfunctional- broken marriage, lot's of passive-agressive behavior and a younger sister (recovering herion addict) that her 3 parents put first always, ignoring her rude and selfish behavior. My question: I want my husband and I to be the best possible in-laws. Is there a book you could recommend? Thank you *****

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I applaud your proactive approach. Good for you. It will pay off. I know because I see in my office families who didn't work at it from the start! While there are many books out there about the mother in law and daughter in law relationship, there aren't any I've seen specific to the fathers. But your husband will also gain from these two books. I think these two are among the best out there.

The Mother in Law's Manual by ***** *****eberman. Here's the Amazon web page:

The Twelve Sacred Traditions of Magnificent Mothers in Law by Haywood Smith. Here's it's page:

I wish you the very, very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****

Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you Dr Mark! Kerri and I are already off to a great start since we met ayear ago. John and I (married 32 years) have a nice relationship with our son (31). My goal is for me and our home to be a happy and emotionally safe place for Kerri. Michael already knows this and I think she's learning. I will get the books and I am sure I will learn something new. Both Michael and Kerri are amazing people- M at high level at projets for US Gov and K in medicine. Anything J and I can do to help make their life together is a blessing.
You know the best advice I know of is: GO SLOW!

Give them plenty of time by themselves and do not try to be too big a part of their lives.

Second best advice: DO NOT GIVE ADVICE.

This is tough. But I assure you that if you remember that they want to look to you for praise, praise, and more praise you will find that after a while (the go slow feature) they will actually come to the two of you for advice on their own!

I wish you all the very best and thank you. Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Dr Mark,
I'm confused about how the system works. My second paragraph to you was typed in the response space. I wasn't asking any more guestions. Then I went to sleep, got up and read your reply-you nailed it! Have to stop typing. Sorry. Giving them space ie Kerri is his primary family now is hard for J. My job and personality is to give advice to women. So, GO SLOW(don't push us on them b/c we miss M. For me, K has already asked me for advice. I told her later that any time she thought I could help to just ask. I also asked her to tell me if I ever say or do anything that hurts her. I needed to hear your advice to not give advice unless asked. Thanunless asked. Thank you!!!
it has to be your mantra. Just be patient and wait. And give them space.

Always remember that you heard this reinforced for you from a psychologist who sees families in his office who are fighting and screaming because they don't follow these rules and keep wanting to rush the process. So, be patient and wait. Keep silent. And give them space.

Dr. Mark
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