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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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I'm afraid my girlfriend has Borderline Personality

Customer Question

i'm afraid my girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder. Her family and her life long friends think i'm the crazy one. Am I wrong in sending her info about BPD out of concern, because I want to help her and love her for ever. She can be the meanest person on earth to me and it appears like me only. But I know this has happened to another ex that she dated twice for a couple of years but the time together was about ten years apart. So, i know it' shappened to other's. I would go to her ex husband, but he is the Chief of Police and they haven't communicated in years. He has nothing to do with there 20 year old son. Do I just walk away or convience her to seek help?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 6 years ago.

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You've already told her you believe this is the problem. You know, I've worked with people with BPD and with their loved ones all the way since my internship, so I can imagine her response when you told her you believe this is the problem was not to accept responsibility. A feature of BPD is blaming others for the feelings of instability inside.

And you must let her response guide you. What do I mean?

I know how frustrating it is for a loved one when he knows what will help the BPD sufferer. I've seen it so often. But the BPD person will NOT seek help just because a loved one points out the truth to them. They more typically run away to then ext person they emotionally attach to until that person burns out and goes away. Eventually, they get it sometimes. But not because someone told them; only when they get to their own moment of truth.

So I strongly urge you to move on in your life. The percentage of marriages, for example, where BPD is present that end in divorce is exceedingly high. Why? Because of this issue. So go on in your life. Know that you have learned something extremely important about the variety of human experience and the fragility of the human psyche.

I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****

Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

for Dr. Mark

I love this lady and know people can recover IF they want to. I'm an alcoholic, been sober 22 years and know people can change. I have read alot of success stories. I give 100% to recovery and would in supporting her recovery.

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 6 years ago.
I understand. You know, one of the most amazing things about BPD and some of the other emotional disturbances is that part of the disorder does allow the sufferer to express some of her unique emotional qualities. But it's a hard road to stay with.

The question isn't WHETHER she can get better, the problem is that resistance to what she needs is often part of the disorder. It's rather insidious.

So, given that you are determined to stay involved, let me give you some resources because you will need all the support you can get!

Randi Krieger wrote a book you will find in the library though it's very popular and may be checked out. So you may want to buy it online. It is called Stop Walking on Eggshells. Here is the Amazon page for it:

She also has a wonderful online group called the Oz Online Community for Family Members. And this is why I think she’s an important resource for you. She's a very nice person, too. Here's the web page:

I wish you the very best! Dr. Mark