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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4672
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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My 21month old daughter and I live with my parents, I

Customer Question

My 21month old daughter and I live with my parents, I escaped from a violent husband with my baby girl and have finally been awarded sole custody of my daughter. We live in Texas now, but my x is now allowed to have unsupervised visitation with my daughter in OK which is where the custody suit was tried.
He had her for 5 days during the Christmas Holiday. She came back with a fading black eye, a blistering diaper rash and the word hate had been added to her vocabulary. The first time she said, "I hate you, MaMa", I thought I must have heard her wrong. But then my mother pulled me aside later that day and said that Olive as clear as a bell said "I hate you, MiMi." By that time she had already said that to me several times. The word hate does not exist in our home; I am a stay at home Mom and supervise everything that she sees. We have a play group with other toddlers her age. She didn't get it there; the other mothers have assured me of that. When she would say the phrase, I would say back to her that "I love you, Olive". Today is the 5th day she has been home and has not said the phrase at all. I know she doesn't know the meaning but I am sick at heart that he would teach her to say that.
The question is: How many times do you think he had to drill her for that phrase to stick?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 6 years ago.
Dr. Kaushik :

Hi there,

Dr. Kaushik :

Welcome to Just answer !

Dr. Kaushik :

Well, it must have been very tough on you to hear her say those words as it must have hurt you to the core .

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 6 years ago.

I believe that your ex is venting out his frustration and anger by applying these tactics where in he is trying to influence the little child and making her say bad things about you , but i feel that at her present age she does not understand the meaning of the words that she says , and eventually when she starts understanding the world better , she will understand how good a parent you are , and how his father is trying to malign your image through her .. So at the moment there is no need to panic , but it does not mean that you should overlook it , because this can be very well repeated in future as well , so i would suggest you that you consult your lawyer , and bring this bad influencing tactic of your husband to his notice and see what he can do about it ...

Secondly , i think you have handled the whole situation like a mature and balanced headed adult , and i suggest that you continue this in future also ,and try to spend as much time possible during her growing up years and this experience of hers with you as her parent would make a huge positive imprint on child's tender mind so much so that this , would pave way for her to understand who is her well wisher and the right person as she grows up into an adult..

I hope this helps..

Wish you all the best..

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