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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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When do I allow myself to be able to move on? I am in my 3rd

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When do I allow myself to be able to move on? I am in my 3rd marraige. The first one ended after 1 year. The 2nd one after 15 years. This one has been 4.5 years and I can't seem to find a way to communicate with my husband. If I leave him alone and don't ask or expect anything we seem to get along ok. He has 4 kids, I have 2 and we have way different parenting styles. I thought we would co parent. I am stricyter than hnim, my kids have A's and are heading to college, his 2 youngest struggle and play video games. I have to mind my own business. He just wants to be left alone. And is happiest sitting onthe computer or playing guitar. His exwwife died and he is involved taking care of this instead of letting her family with live nearby handle things. THey have been divorced almost 8 years and his oldest child whois 25 is incharge of the estate however he is Helping to liquidate et .... . I don't feel like my needs are getting met emotionally. We went to counseling for 1 year. He told me that 80 percent of our problems would go away if I just kept my mouth shut.
Hello. Welcome to JustAnswer. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Let me ask you a question before I offer an answer. Did counseling help you and him in any way ?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No I don't think so because he thinks our problems are all my fault and if I would just quit doing the things that bug him, we would get along better.
Hi, Thanks for your response. I will work on my answer. Please wait. Feel free to post any new info.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
ANyway acused of guilt tripping,controlling etc .... which I don't feel like I do. I keep my mouth shut and give space for 4-5 days at a time to keep peace. Everything I used to bring up, I don't say anymore . . . . Basically don't have much in common .. . I think I have pretty much given up.
Hi, Thanks for your responses. I have contemplated your problem for a while. Let me say I can imagine how stressful and frustrating this situation must seem to you at times. It sounds like your husband is not open to discuss issues between you and him. He may also be in denial of them or resistant to change anything in his part. Am I correct? In addition, he may blame you for all or most of problems between you and him. This is a very challenging situation for you. It sounds like marriage counseling did not help him to change or understand/accept your feelings, thoughts and needs. I wonder why counseling could not resolve problems between you and him even though you two attended it for one year. His current behavior may be a red flag for your marriage in the long run. I understand you are losing hope about this situation. Perhaps, you may write down what you want him to change, correct or accept AND what you may compromise for your marriage if there is any. You may give the note to him before you two discuss these issues. You may try this to see if he take your feelings seriously. If he loves you and wants to save your marriage, he should engage in conversation with you. I hope he tries to work things out with you. Please let me know if I have overlooked any or you have more questions. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He is not going to change, I just have to decide if I can accept things the way they are! That is the difficult thing to never have an opinion or any input. It is like we live 2 separate lives. I don't know if that is good enough for me! Thank you for your time!
Hi, I am sorry to hear that your husband is not going to change his way. I hope anything may change his way. But, you deserve to be happy in your marriage. I wish you the very best.