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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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One of my son's friends (15 years old), went into my

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One of my son's friends (15 years old), went into my daughter's bedroom at 3 am (she's 12) woke her up and apparently asked her several times if she thought he was attractive. She said she was very sleepy at the time, doesn't remember everything he said to her, but remembers he was sitting on her bed and another comment such as "Come on, only 5 minutes". I have no idea exactly what he wanted to do with her for 5 minutes. I believe her when she says that is all that happened. She was quite upset, and I've spoken to the mother. The son admitted he was in there to me, said it wouldn't happen again, but later to his mother and to my son says he can't recall what happened. My husband and I both told our daugther it wasn't her fault in anyway, that we told his mother about this, that we'd never have any more of our son's friends sleeping over, and that if she wants to tell us anything else we're here for her. What is your advice on this matter? Do you think this boy will have issues with deviant behavior in the future? The fact that he was so bold as to come into her room, in the upstairs level, from the basement, directly across from our bedroom has led me think that he will continue this bold deviant behavoir and that my son should stop being friends with him too. His mother was very upset (crying), she's a teacher in our district, and quite frankly, before this event, I thought he was from a very good family. What are your thoughts?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

From what you described, it sounds like this boy may have been approaching your daughter sexually but it is very difficult to tell. The information he gave and the fact that he claims he did not recall after admitting he was there in the bedroom is also confusing. I believe he may have realized it was turning into a bigger situation than he thought and recanted his confession.

Whether or not he will have trouble with this type of behavior in the future all depends on where this behavior originated from. If he was curious or saw this type of behavior on a media source, say TV or a movie, it may have been a one time mistake. Lots of teenagers make them. However, if this boy has a history of sexual abuse from another child or adult, he may continue to act out and would need the assistance of a counselor to deal with the behavior. As you pointed out, the boldness of the behavior says a lot and may indicate he learned this behavior either by being a victim of abuse or witnessing abuse of someone else.

In the future, you may want to consider having this boy over only in the daytime and only where you can keep an eye on him. Or you could only let you son see him in a public place. Depending on your comfort level, you could also forbid your son from being near this boy at all. It is also important to include your son's and daughter's feelings on this matter as well. Allow them to express how they feel about it and consider their feelings when you make a final decision about the matter.

I hope this has helped you,


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