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Ask Luann Your Own Question
Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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I have been married for 21 years, about a year and half ago,

Customer Question

I have been married for 21 years, about a year and half ago, my boyfriend from college, found me and we have been having a long distance affair. He is in Massachusetts and I am in Florida. I don't know what to do, I am a bundle of nerves and feel like I need help sorting this out. Of course, I have no money and no insurance. I have 3 children and my husband and I don't really "fight". I have a lot of regrets about breaking up with this guy when I was 21 and was instantly drawn back to him. I am babbling so I will stop now.. BTW, I am on no medication, and don't self medicate either.. (alcohol or drugs)
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Luann :

Hello

Customer:

Hi..

Luann :

It sounds like you have some dissatisfaction with your marriage. Maybe for a quite awhile? It is possible that you are focusing on this old boyfriend as a way to deal with your dissatisfaction. We often focus on a safer subject to avoid feeling the pain of the real issue.

Customer:

very true, my husband was a way for me to satisfy my mother's desires for me to get married, he fit a lot of what she was looking for

Luann :

I encourage you to focus on your marriage first. You need to figure that out before you can make any decisions about other relationships.

Customer:

He is from South Africa and often forgets that I am NOT a "domestic"

Customer:

too scared, we have three children, 13,11,11 and I know I will destoy their world as they know it

Luann :

Seek out individual therapy for yourself so you can sort out your feelings and figure out what you need. After you have done some work on yourself, marital therapy would be helpful to deal with the relationship issues.

Customer:

Money is the issue

Luann :

You are confused right now, dissatisfied with your marriage, flattered by the attention of the old boyfriend, maybe unhappy with yourself. You need to work through the confusion. By getting your emotions and motives figured out you will be able to make good decisions for yourself, but right now you will not be able to do that.

Customer:

confusion is an understatment

Luann :

If money for counseling is holding you back, go to the United Way website, www.211.org, to find agencies that offer counseling on a sliding fee basis.

Customer:

thanks for that suggestion, I will try it

Luann :

You deserve to feel better and to make good choices for yourself. Seek out the help you need, it will be worth it. You won't feel confused forever.

Customer:

I hate this feeling of confusion and feel like I am not a good mother.. very emotional ..distancing myself

Customer:

thanks, ***** ***** go to 211.org now

Luann :

Recognizing that things are off is a first step to making change. You sound motivated to be a good person and mother. Use that motivation to work through what is going on with you right now. I wish you the best!

Customer:

now what do I do? Hit accept??

Luann :

Yes, thank you and good bye!

Luann and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
when I went to the 211.org it lists catagories. What am I looking for? I thought counseling, but under family/parent it seems to be a group thing, where would I find individual therapy listings?
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.
Call the phone number that is given and explain what you are looking for. They should have a list of resources.