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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5821
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have distorted ideas about sex. I have history of abuse,

Resolved Question:

I have distorted ideas about sex. I have history of abuse, so that might explain the origin. But now, I have conflicting feelings about it. I can get urges but I hate the concept of it. I believe it's bestial and degrading. It's unfairly invasive and violent against the female form and it seems designed primarily to bring the male pleasure, and secondarily, the woman. A man can go about and inject himself in a woman's body with no feeling of sanctity of his acts. He his entering a woman. Just as it is a privilege to enter someone's home, their most intimate quarters, it is supposed to be as such when a man enters a woman. The same sort of humility a welcomed guest experiences is what a man ideally should experience when entering a woman. But that doesn't happen. To him its nothing to walk about and enter the home of any woman who lets him in. He goes in greedily enjoys her treats, with the sole purpose to attain satisfaction, then walks out and seeks for another welcoming host. What happened to the noble guest who is humbled when asked to come in, and appreciates the hospitality, and as a modest guest, seeks to reciprocate the kind treatment by entertaining his host? Reciprocity. Sex is for animals. What should I do? My boyfriend doesn't see it as sacred the way I do.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

I just now received your new question. Sorry about that.

Being abused sexually or any way is a trauma that distorts how we feel about ourselves and others. From what you told me, you suffered abuse and it affected your view of sexuality. This is a normal reaction to abuse.

From your point of view, sexuality could be seen as invasive. You were subjected to something against your will, and that is extremely traumatizing. Your partner may not understand how strongly you feel about what happened to you. When someone is abused, it is a unique experience and those who have the chance to grow up in a healthy environment have a hard time understanding.

Please consider counseling. I say that because in my experience with abuse survivors, counseling has helped greatly to change how they feel about the abuse and helped them to understand life as it should have been, not what they were subjected to. Your partner is willing to help. Take him up on it and heal yourself from the trauma. You are strong and you survived. You deserve a chance at a healthy relationship and you deserve the support and help to get you there.

Thank you for trusting me and sharing what you went through. It is a good sign that you are reaching out for help. Through this, you will gain strength and grow.

Take care,

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