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What would you expect to happen in a relationship between a

Customer Question
very weathy 57 year old...
What would you expect to happen in a relationship between a very weathy 57 year old male with dependancy problems, moving into his CA mansion with a 37 year old female lawyer with a Narssistic personality disorder, two children under the age of ten with financial problems?
They continue to have arguments about money that is increasing in frequency and volumn.
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 4 minutes by:
12/4/2010
Mental Health Professional: Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional replied 7 years ago
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Verified
Carol Kryder LMFT :

Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer. Your question is not closed until you are satisfied. I am happy to assist you with your question.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Well, you already know that is a recipe for disaster. One party has a substance abuse problem and the other is narcissistic. Nothing good can come of such a union. What are you asking?

Customer:

Hi Carol,

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Hi

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Can you give me a better idea of what you are asking?

Customer:

sorry it is not substance abuse it is a problem with turning over all private and business decisions no matter how small. What time to depart for and appointment, do we need a rental car or a limo with driver etc. Like a child or addolecent would be dependent on a mother.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Ahh, I see. Dependency in that he depends on her to make sure that things go smoothly. He will not take responsibility for himself.

Customer:

Hi Carol,

Carol Kryder LMFT :

You say they are arguing about money? Does he put her in a double bind? By that I mean he depends on her to make the decisions and run the ship, but then resents her for the control she has?

Carol Kryder LMFT :

BTW, is this you?

Customer:

Yes, but he has only known her for 5 months, after a recent 3rd divorce which was very hard on him. He goes from one relationship to a new one at the drop of a hat. Like going from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds. No it is a friend, I wish I was that rich, but it seems to be a bit of a curse. Most of the women he starts up with have an agenda or devlope one when they discover how wealthy he is.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Are you trying to help him?

Customer:

Yes, plus other friends, family and empoyees.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

He needs to get into therapy to find out why he persists in picking woman to whom he defers then becomes resentful of their control. It sounds like he is afraid to be alone. He needs to learn how to be alone with himself and keep away from any relationship until he figures out what he really wants.

Customer:

Yes there is no question he is afraid to be alone. He went to consuling with the last wife, now he is in consuling with the new girlfriend after dating 3 months. It's a consular not a therapist. I don't think he would go to a therapist.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Does the counselor have a license for independent practice in his state?

Customer:

I will have to check. It is California.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

The reason why I ask is that anyone who is licensed and has experience in relationship counseling would be able to help. You can check with the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California to see if the person is licensed to practice. I think it is very important that he continue seeing someone he can form a relationship with and whom he can trust. I am also concerned about the damage being done to the children. I can tell you what you already know: this relationship is doomed as is any new relationships he may enter into because he is so messed up himself he is not able to have a healthy relationship.

Customer:

Yes I understand that. The females 10 year old daughter is in therapy and I have been told that she (Hates) her mother because she is never there for her. She sends the daughter to the theapist with the Nanny. We travel up to 20 days a month while the kids stay home with the Nanny or I guess the ex husband.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

How sad for that little girl. At least she has someone she can talk to. Do you travel with them. You said "we" travel.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

I guess the bot***** *****ne is that you are helpless to make any changes in his life if he will not allow it. It is so difficult to watch someone you care about in so much pain. I wish you well.

Customer:

Yes, I travel with them. The new girlfriend continues to demand more financial support (she spent over 250,000 on clothing the last two months (has recieved several million since meeting 7 months ago) and is becoming verbally abusive and controlling. What is her motive and how will this end?

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Unfortunately, her motive is to get as much from him as she can. She is predatory and taking advantage of his weakness to further herself. This is so sick because she senses his weakness and goes in for the kill just like a predator would its prey. My guess is that she actually gets a rush by dominating him and humiliating him. She will never stop this. He needs to end the relationship. Otherwise, she will continue to escalate until she is in total control of his life, his business and his finances.

Carol Kryder LMFT :

Point of curiosity for me: How did such a man get to be so successful in the business world? Did he inherit? If he made all this money on his own, he must have some strengths to draw upon. If he inherited, the prospects are dismal.

Customer:

It's complicated.

Customer:

It's complicated, wish I could help but it will just have to run it's own course. Thanks.

Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Verified
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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
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Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience

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